Search found 312 matches

by Postman
Mon Jun 01, 2020 7:23 am
Forum: The Cannonballs
Topic: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Replies: 2328
Views: 141200

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, 'Jesus knows you're here.' He nearly shit himself, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head and continued. Just as he pulled the s...
by Postman
Sat May 23, 2020 11:34 am
Forum: The Cannonballs
Topic: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Replies: 2328
Views: 141200

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

A Scottish couple took in an 18-year-old girl as a lodger. She asked if she could have a bath, but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bath, although if she wanted to, she could use a tin bath in front of the fire. "Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to darts," she said...
by Postman
Sun Dec 01, 2019 8:20 am
Forum: The Cannonballs
Topic: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Replies: 2328
Views: 141200

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

An elderly couple was watching a Discovery Channel special about a West African bush tribe whose men all had penises 24 inches long. When the black male reaches a certain age, a string is tied around his penis and on the other end is a weight. After a while, the weight stretches the penis to 24 inch...
by Postman
Wed Sep 25, 2019 8:42 am
Forum: The Cannonballs
Topic: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Replies: 2328
Views: 141200

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Two Irish blokes are out hunting in the woods when Paddy says,"I'm dying for a shit,but I haven't got anything to wipe my arse with." Mick says,"Have you got a fiver Paddy?" "Yes," says Paddy."Well use that," replies Mick.So Paddy goes off for 5 minutes and comes back with shit all over his hands an...
by Postman
Tue Sep 17, 2019 4:22 pm
Forum: The Cannonballs
Topic: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Replies: 2328
Views: 141200

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

The French President, is sitting in his office when his telephone rings. “Hallo, Mr. Macron, " a heavily accented voice said. “This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!” “Well, Paddy,” Macron replied, “This is...
by Postman
Tue Sep 17, 2019 11:49 am
Forum: The Cannonballs
Topic: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Replies: 2328
Views: 141200

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced Up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took The seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, “...
by Postman
Fri Sep 13, 2019 9:05 am
Forum: The Cannonballs
Topic: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Replies: 2328
Views: 141200

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

I recall my first time with a condom, I must have been 16. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it. She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, "No, thi...
by Postman
Tue Jul 30, 2019 7:21 am
Forum: The Cannonballs
Topic: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Replies: 2328
Views: 141200

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

SEX AFTER DEATH A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all. After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact: " Mari...
by Postman
Fri Apr 19, 2019 8:31 am
Forum: The Cannonballs
Topic: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Replies: 2328
Views: 141200

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Paddy and Murphy fancy a Pint but only have a £1 between them. Paddy goes off and buys a sausage. Murphy says are You mad? Now we're skint! Come on says Paddy follow Me. They go into the pub order two pints and drink them before they pay. Paddy shoves the Sausage through the zipper of his Jeans and ...
by Postman
Wed Nov 14, 2018 9:43 am
Forum: The Cannonballs
Topic: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Replies: 2328
Views: 141200

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Saw 2 blind men fighting yesterday,
Didn't know how to stop them fighting,
So I shouted "I'm supporting the one with the knife"
They both stopped & ran away.
by Postman
Sat Oct 22, 2016 9:19 am
Forum: The Cannonballs
Topic: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Replies: 2328
Views: 141200

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

An 85-year-old man had to do a sperm count for his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, “Take this home and bring back a sample tomorrow.” The next day, the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor’s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. ...
by Postman
Tue Jul 26, 2016 7:19 am
Forum: The Cannonballs
Topic: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Replies: 2328
Views: 141200

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Paddy had a job as a postman and one Monday morning he was on his usual route, delivering the mail... As he approached one of the homes he noticed that strangely both cars were still in the driveway... His wonder was cut short by Murphy, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer, wine and ...
by Postman
Tue Mar 01, 2016 1:54 pm
Forum: The Cannonballs
Topic: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Replies: 2328
Views: 141200

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'racism' these days. A customer asked, "In what aisle could I find the Irish sausages?" The assistant asks, "Are you Irish?" The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am, but let me ask You something... If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me...
by Postman
Tue Aug 11, 2015 8:49 am
Forum: The Cannonballs
Topic: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Replies: 2328
Views: 141200

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Prince Charles and the Hooker You can't resist British humour!! Prince Charles decided to take up walking every day to maintain his fitness. At the same street corner, he passed a hooker, standing there every day. Embarrassed, he learned to brace himself as he approached her for what was almost cert...
by Postman
Sun Jul 05, 2015 1:02 pm
Forum: The Cannonballs
Topic: Veet for men!
Replies: 6
Views: 1517

Veet for men!

THIS IS AN ACTUAL CUSTOMER REVIEW FROM A MAN ON AMAZON.CO.UK AFTER USING VEET HAIR REMOVAL CREAM FOR MEN. I ACTUALLY HAD TEARS ROLLING DOWN MY FACE WHILE READING IT!!!!!!!!!!!! SOOOO FUNNY!!!: After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly Rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy ...