Agree with Rodders, Steveo and StuartL, our run since Christmas would be enough to win the league for decades if it weren't for this cheaty115 machine. The Newcastle away was a farce, how the fuck they got that goal is still mind boggling, does anyone think we would have been given that. Villa away,...

A recent survey reported that one fifth of men don't know how to turn on the dish washer.

I find that licking her nipples and a light gentle fingering usually does the trick.

1 inch - Are you taking the piss? 2 inch - I can't even hold it properly. 3 inch - Never been so unsatisfied in my life. 4 inch - I've had bigger. 5 inch - Good, but not enough! 6 inch - About right. 8 inch - Fucking perfect when your drunk. 10 inch - It's hurting my insides. 12 inch - I'm absolutel...

Stuart L (2) wrote: ↑

Fri May 03, 2024 12:19 pm

I had to go to the doctors this week due to having a very sore penis

He told me I need to stop masturbating so vigorously

When I asked why,

he said it was making his desk wobble.

Her : "D'you wanna go upstairs?

Me : "Oh Aye Sure"

Her : "Have you got protection?"

Me : "Why?... What the fuck is up there?"

Playing doctors and nurses with the wife in the bedroom last night didn't go very well.

Especially when I diagnosed her as clinically obese

I was worried that the mechanic would rip me off because I was a blonde woman.

Imagine my relief when I found out that I only needed indicator fluid

I've just sat down in the restaurant with my wife and ordered the hippo soup.

Not sure what I'm gonna have yet.

My wife has left me because of my terrible Arnold Schwarzenegger impression

But don't worry.......... I'll return

I came downstairs this morning to find my girlfriend had gone and had left a note on the fridge door that said 'this isn't working, goodbye'.

Well I just opened the fridge and it's working fine.

You'd be surprised how quickly the sales people at the B&Q try and assist you after ignoring you for the past 15 minutes,
when you try and start a chainsaw!!!

My wife came into the lounge and asked why our two year old son was screaming.

"He kicked me in the balls," I snarled.

"He doesn't understand that it hurts," she said.

"He fucking does now," I replied.

I saw a bloke on the train wearing a T-shirt that read, "This is what a feminist looks like.

" And right enough, he had a flat chest and facial hair.

“ I’ve got good news and bad news”, the doctor said.

“ I’m afraid we’re going to have to amputate your leg”.
“Fucking hell! What’s the good news?” I asked.

“See that young nurse over there with the big tits?

I fucked her last night.”

The only thing flat-earthers fear …....

is sphere itself.