Man walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm while his wife is lying in bed reading. Man says: "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache." Wife replies: "I think you'll find that is a sheep." Man replies: "I think you'll find I was talking to the s...

Women's Institute National Conference The first speaker, a lady from Nottingham , stood and said "During last year's conference we spoke about being more assertive with our husbands. Well after the conference I went home and told my husband Trevor that I would no longer cook for him and that he...

Last chance to get ya tickets for SECRET AFFAIR at the camden centre kings cross on Sat 30th May. True mod revival legends and they sound even better now with a revitalised horn section to complement Cairnsy and Pagey. 3 quality albums between 79 and 81. The most underated Mod band of the time. Is ...

Three vampires meet in a pub. One from Germany, one from Russia, one english. The german vampire orders a proper beer with a dash of blood. The russian vampire badly wants a vodka, of course with a dash of blood. Both get what they want. It's a complete surprise when the english vampire orders a gla...

Ed Zachary Disease A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite some time. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of a sex therapist. Her doctor recommended that she see the well known Chinese se...

Defense Attorney: Will you please state your age? Little Old Lady: I am 86 years old. Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st? Little Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man come...

Have to say i think the man plays some cracking tunes :barscarf: Radford thinks that music at a football match is a load of bollocks. people on here complain about the atmosphere and then say the wanky dj plays good tunes. its a football ground not a nightclub FFS. :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: ...

Have to say i think the man plays some cracking tunes

The teacher asked if anyone in class could use the word incompletely in a sentence?
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Johnny stood up and said "When my balls touch my girlfriends asshole, I know I'm in-completely"

A man is in a queue at Tesco and sees this busty blonde staring at him, he can ' t believe she is staring at him, then she starts waving. ' Excuse me do I know you? ' he asks. ' Yes I think you are the father of one of my kids ' she says. The man thinks back and remembers his one act of infidelity a...

I was there

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. ' Brenda , may I come in?' he asks. 'I've somethin' to tell ya'. 'Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim . But where's my husband?' ' That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda . There was an ac...

Always a pleasure

Two flees from Detroit had an agreement to meet every winter in Miami For a vacation. Last year when one flee gets to Miami, he's all blue, shivering and Shaking, damn near frozen to death! The other flea asks him, "What the hell happened to you?" The first flea says, "I rode down her...

Two Irish builders,Paddy and Joseph go into the pub after a hard day's work. They're sat drinking for a while when a very smartly dressed man walks in and orders a drink. The two began to speculate about what the man did for a living. "I'll bet he's an accountant." said Paddy. "Looks ...