53,000 Scousers meet in Anfield for a 'Scousers Are Not Stupid' convention. Steven Gerrard addresses the crowd.. 'We are all here today to prove to the world that Scousers are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer please?' Wayne Rooney gingerly works his way through the crowd and steps up to the stage....

Sean Connery was interviewed by Michael Parkinson and bragged that despite being 72 years of age, he could still have Sex three times a Night..?!?!? Cilla Black, who was also a guest, looked intrigued..?? After the show, Cilla says, "Sean darlin , if I'm not bein too forward, I'd luv to 'ave se...

FIRST TIME SEX A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time. The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had se...

The Hooker A guy is walking the strip in Vegas when a fantastic looking hooker catches his eye. He strikes up a conversation and eventually asks, "How much do you charge?" The hooker replies, "I start at $500 for a hand job." The guy says, "$500 for a hand job? Holy crap, no...

A successful London banker parked his brand new Porsche in front of the office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a bus came along too close to the curb and completely tore off the driver's side. The banker immediately whipped out his phone and dialed 999. The police were there ...

Deaf couple get married and during the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights (because they can't see each other using sign language). After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the Wife proposes a soluti...

A Guy with a 25-inch Willy went to a Doctor and said, "I can't live with this Big Willy anymore..! It's too long." The doctor replied, "I can't do anything for you, but if you see the Witch Doctor, down in the Bayou, she can help you." So, he went to the Bayou and saw the Witch D...

A woman had a dog which was a female and in heat, agreed to look after her neighbour’s male dog while they were away on holiday. She had a large house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart: However, as she was drifting off to sleep she heard awful howling and moaning sounds, rushed dow...

"A Spurs fan, an Arsenal fan and a West Ham fan were all in Saudi Arabia drinking a smuggled crate of booze. All of a sudden Saudi police rushed in and arrested them. For their punishment the Saudi Arabia Sheik decided that the punishment should be 20 lashes with a whip. As they were preparing ...

Barack Obama has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell, where the Devil is waiting for him. "I'm not sure what to do." says the Devil. "You're on my list, but I have no room for you. As you definitely have to stay here, I'm going to have to let someone else go." "I've got...

A young Portsmouth woman was so depressed that she decided to End her Life by throwing herself into the Sea. But just before she could throw herself from the Portside Wharf, a handsome Young Man ran up and stopped her. "You have so much to Live for", said the Man.. "I'm a Sailor, and ...

SEX AFTER DEATH A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all. After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact: "...

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, 'Jesus knows you're here.' He nearly shit himself, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head and continued. Just as he pulled the s...

A Scottish couple took in an 18-year-old girl as a lodger. She asked if she could have a bath, but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bath, although if she wanted to, she could use a tin bath in front of the fire. "Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to darts,"...

An elderly couple was watching a Discovery Channel special about a West African bush tribe whose men all had penises 24 inches long. When the black male reaches a certain age, a string is tied around his penis and on the other end is a weight. After a while, the weight stretches the penis to 24 inch...