LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

It's all a load of Cannonballs in here! This is the virtual Arsenal pub where you can chat about anything except football. Be warned though, like any pub, the content may not always be suitable for everyone.
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DB10GOONER
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by DB10GOONER »

StuartL wrote:I've had to dump my blow up doll girlfriend


She had an over-inflated opinion of herself.


She blamed me for letting her down too often.


I just hope one day we can patch things up.
:tumbleweed:

Well at least now we know what became of Russ Abbott... :?


:D :wink:

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Bradywasking
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by Bradywasking »

Splashed out on some lingerie in Ann Summers shop yesterday.. Was arrested for it shortly afterwards..

Rosie_titters
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by Rosie_titters »

Last night i was walking home and this homeless bloke said to me "Thirty quid for a blow job". I said "Fuck off, I've been caught out before, let's see the thirty quid first". :D

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DB10GOONER
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by DB10GOONER »

Rosie_titters wrote:Last night i was walking home and this homeless bloke said to me "Thirty quid for a blow job". I said "Fuck off, I've been caught out before, let's see the thirty quid first". :D
:lol: :lol:

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OneBardGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by OneBardGooner »

DB10GOONER wrote:
StuartL wrote:I've had to dump my blow up doll girlfriend


She had an over-inflated opinion of herself.


She blamed me for letting her down too often.


I just hope one day we can patch things up.
:tumbleweed:

Well at least now we know what became of Russ Abbott... :?


:D :wink:
Who? :?

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OneBardGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by OneBardGooner »

Bradywasking wrote:Splashed out on some lingerie in Ann Summers shop yesterday.. Was arrested for it shortly afterwards..
Does that qualify this thread to be made a Sticky ?

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Postman
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by Postman »

An 85-year-old man had to do a sperm count for his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, “Take this home and bring back a sample tomorrow.”

The next day, the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor’s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened, and the man explained…

“Well, doc, it’s like this — first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help.

“She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door, and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin’ it between her knees, but still nothing.”

The doctor was shocked. “You asked your neighbor? Good heavens!”

The old man replied, “Yep, none of us could get the jar open.”

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StuartL
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by StuartL »

I finally got an appointment with my doctor this week

He asked me what the problem was and I explained that my very lovely girlfriend is very demanding sexually - often wanting sex twice a night and again the next morning.

He said " I see, so are you having trouble keeping up with her demands,do you need some viagra pescribed ?"
"No", I replied, "everything is fine in that respect"

"So", he said "do you think you are likely to suffer a heart attack or something from the physical effort ?" he asked.
"No, I'm feeling fitter than I have for years, I answered"

"Then, I'm not really sure why you are telling me" he said finally

"I'm telling everybody" I responded with a grin

:barscarf:

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StuartL
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by StuartL »

:oops:
Last edited by StuartL on Sun Nov 06, 2016 10:56 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Bradywasking
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by Bradywasking »

Steven Gerrard has released a book about his Liverpool years..the book has no title...

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DB10GOONER
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by DB10GOONER »

Bradywasking wrote:Steven Gerrard has released a book about his Liverpool years..the book has no title...
:barscarf: :lol: :lol: :barscarf:

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olgitgooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by olgitgooner »

Terrible accident at my favourite Indian restaurant. A waiter came from the kitchen with a full tray of food. The swing door was faulty. It whacked him on the back of his head. Food everywhere. Sorry to report that he's slipped into a korma.

:oops: I'll get me coat :oops:

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DB10GOONER
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by DB10GOONER »

olgitgooner wrote:Terrible accident at my favourite Indian restaurant. A waiter came from the kitchen with a full tray of food. The swing door was faulty. It whacked him on the back of his head. Food everywhere. Sorry to report that he's slipped into a korma.

:oops: I'll get me coat :oops:
:lol: :oops: :lol:

So bad it's good! :wink:

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goonertux
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by goonertux »

My wife did a lovely leek in cheese sauce yesterday.......followed by a shit in the gravy!!!

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Henry Norris 1913
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by Henry Norris 1913 »

please tux, we like to keep things classy in this thread 8) :wink:

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