LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

It's all a load of Cannonballs in here! This is the virtual Arsenal pub where you can chat about anything except football. Be warned though, like any pub, the content may not always be suitable for everyone.
LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

I was wondering if people are born with a photographic memory?

Or do they take time to develop ?

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 8409
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

I walked past a man standing outside a burning house earlier and he started screaming at me, "My wife is still in there!"
"Alright mate" I said to him, "There's no need to fucking gloat."

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

Spare a thought for the poor souls who have to retrieve the Colston statue from Bristol Harbour.

Let's hear it for the Quay workers.

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

If anybody wants a copy of Osteopath Weekly I have back issues.

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 8409
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

A priest, a Rabbit and a Minister walk into a bar. The barman asks the Rabbit, "What do you want?" The Rabbit replied,
"I don't know, I'm only here because of autocorrect"

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Midz
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Joined: Sun Aug 04, 2013 6:36 pm
Location: Gabba Gabba Hey!!

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by Midz »

Postman wrote:
Thu Jun 11, 2020 2:20 pm
A young Portsmouth woman was so depressed that she decided to End her Life by throwing herself into the Sea.

But just before she could throw herself from the Portside Wharf, a handsome Young Man ran up and stopped her.

"You have so much to Live for", said the Man..

"I'm a Sailor, and we are off to Australia tomorrow. I can stow you away on my Ship. I'll take care of you, bring you Food every day, and keep you Happy"..??

With Nothing to Lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Australia , the Young Woman accepted.

That night the Sailor stowed her Aboard quietly and hid her in a Small but comfortable Compartment in the Ship's Hold.

From then on, every night he would bring her Three Sandwiches, a Bottle of Red Wine, and then, made mad passionate Love to her until Dawn.

Two weeks later she was Discovered by the Captain during a routine Ship's Inspection.

"What are you Doing Here Young Lady"..??? asked the Captain.

"I have an Arrangement with one of your Sailors," she replied.

"He brings me Food every day and I get a Free Trip on this Ship to Australia"..

"I See", the Captain says.

Her conscience then got the best of her and she added,

"Plus, He's Screwing Me."

"He Certainly Is," replied the Captain.

*

*

"Cos, this is the Isle of Wight Car Ferry".
:D :D

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IW8Goalmachine
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Location: Galway

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by IW8Goalmachine »

What do you call a bunch of lesbians on top of each other?

A block of flaps

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