LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

It's all a load of Cannonballs in here! This is the virtual Arsenal pub where you can chat about anything except football. Be warned though, like any pub, the content may not always be suitable for everyone.
LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

A bloke walks into a pet shop and places a bomb on the counter and says ” you’ve got one minute to get out”, a tortoise in the back shouts ” you bastard!”

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

Feeling down in the dumps overweight, unfit, thinking you're getting old, got aches and pains, stiff back?

Well just park in a disabled bay at Tesco and everyone will be sure to tell you there's fuck all wrong with you .

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

A woman has sued a hospital, stating that after a recent operation, her husband had lost interest in sex.

The surgeon replied "all we did was restore his eyesight"

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

Endless love ....

Stevie wonder and ray charles playing tennis

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

Husband and wife fall on hard times , he says that they have no choice, to get out of debt she must go on the game as a prossie.
He takes her to the red light district, and says "look I will be near by if there's any trouble, if you need advice text"
So she walks up and down, soon a car pulls over and a young man asks "how much love " she replies I dont know and texts her husband, he texts back "£100  for sex £70 for a blow job kinky stuff extra"
The punter says "I've only got £30" She relays this info to her husband, who  texts back .."tell the cheap *word censored* he can have a ***** for £30"..he agrees and she gets in the car.
He unzips his fly and flops out the biggest cock she's ever seen ..she says "hang on" and texts her husband "can you lend this bloke £70?"

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

I bumped into a cross eyed woman today and she shouted "You need to look where you're going!"...

I said "Fuck off, you need to go where you're looking!"

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DB10GOONER
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by DB10GOONER »

LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:
Tue Jul 28, 2020 9:42 am
I bumped into a cross eyed woman today and she shouted "You need to look where you're going!"...

I said "Fuck off, you need to go where you're looking!"
:lol: :lol:

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