LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

[adam719802]

After the pope's recent resignation, Peter Odemwingie has arrived in the car park of the Vatican to begin negotiations.

[adam719802]

sweet!

Just found £10.96 and a hat outside the train station.

I thought some guy was going to pick them up but he seemed more interested in playing his guitar, so fuck it.

[adam719802]

This Dyslexic was with his carer and asked if he could have a McDonalds

His carer said "You can have a McDonalds if you can spell it"

so the Dyslexic replied "Fuck it, ill have a KFC"

[Top Londoner]

The police came to my front door last night, holding a picture of my Wife.
They said "Is this your Wife Sir?" Shocked, I answered "Yes!". They said
"I'm afraid it looks like she's been in a car accident". I said "I know but
she has a lovely personality!"

[Rosie_titters]

Shagging an ugly bird, is like riding a moped.

You don't mind having a go on it, as long as your mates don't catch ya.

[Rosie_titters]

Bought a new porn vid the other day put it in the DVD player and sat down to watch it. And it was jus a picture of a fat bloke with his cock in his hand....... Then I realised I hadn't turned the tv on

[StuartL]

I've been invited to a lesbian wedding - don't know if I 'll go, might just wait for the dvd to come out.

[Postman]

I took a dyslexic bird home last night and she ended up cooking me sock!!!

[wilko49er]

[DB10GOONER]

Bought a new porn vid the other day put it in the DVD player and sat down to watch it. And it was jus a picture of a fat bloke with his cock in his hand....... Then I realised I hadn't turned the tv on

Percy? Is that you? Are you back? Did you hack Rosie's account, mate?

[Postman]

A Gypsy girl is about to get married. Her Mum says to her, "Emerald,you do realise that when you're married your husband will want to stick his most prized possession into where you piss?"
Emerald replies, "Shut up Ma, how's the fuck is he gonna fit his Transit Van in the kitchen sink?"

[flash gunner]

A Gypsy girl is about to get married. Her Mum says to her, "Emerald,you do realise that when you're married your husband will want to stick his most prized possession into where you piss?"
Emerald replies, "Shut up Ma, how's the fuck is he gonna fit his Transit Van in the kitchen sink?"

[Postman]

Took the missus out for a romantic meal last night and played footsie under the table while we were eating.I had a lovely steak and she got toed in the hole.

[Postman]

An Indian man has been arrested for punching his wife in the face...

Chinda goodunpropa denies the charge.!

[g88ner]

Took the missus out for a romantic meal last night and played footsie under the table while we were eating.I had a lovely steak and she got toed in the hole.