LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

It's all a load of Cannonballs in here! This is the virtual Arsenal pub where you can chat about anything except football. Be warned though, like any pub, the content may not always be suitable for everyone.
LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

Someone told me flowers had sex organs....POPPYCOCK!

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

Two men are walking down the street, and they see a dog licking his balls.
One of the guys says, "I really wish I could do that."
To which his friend replies, "Well, he looks like a friendly enough dog..."

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

A dwarf with a lisp goes into a stud farm.
"I'd like to buy a horth" he says to the owner of the farm. "What sort of horse?" said the owner. "A female horth" the dwarf replies.

So the owner shows him a mare. "Nithe horth." says the dwarf, "Can I thee her eyeth?"
So the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses eyes. "Nithe eyeth.", says the dwarf,
"Can I thee her teeth?" Again the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses teeth. "Nithe teeth.... can I see her eerth?" the dwarf says.
By now the owner is getting a little fed up but again, picks up the dwarf to show him the horses ears. "Nithe eerth". he says, Now...can I see her twot?"
With this the owner picks the dwarf up by the scruff of his neck and shoves his head deep in just under the horses tail. He holds him there for a couple of seconds before pulling him out and putting him down.

The dwarf shakes his head and says: "Perhaps I should weefwaze that...
Can I see her wun awound?"

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

Little Johnny asks his dad for a telly in his room. He reluctantly agrees.
Next day Johnny comes downstairs and asks
'Dad what is love juice?'
Dad looks horrified and tells Johnny all about sex.
Johnny sits there with mouth open in amazement.
Dad says 'so what were you watching?'
Johnny replies 'Tennis'.

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

An elderly man and his wife are taking a stroll through the country when they spy a fence where they used to conduct their courting.
Excited by this, they make love furiously, with their arms and legs waving about everywhere.
When they are finished, the woman says, surprised, "You never had sex with me like that 50 years ago",
to which the man replies
"Well, that fence wasn't fuckin electric 50 years ago."

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

While attending a marriage seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
"It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."
He addressed the men, "Can you describe your wife's favourite flower?"
Tom, smiling but looking a little nervous, leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's self-raising, isn't it?

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DB10GOONER
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by DB10GOONER »

LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:A dwarf with a lisp goes into a stud farm.
"I'd like to buy a horth" he says to the owner of the farm. "What sort of horse?" said the owner. "A female horth" the dwarf replies.

So the owner shows him a mare. "Nithe horth." says the dwarf, "Can I thee her eyeth?"
So the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses eyes. "Nithe eyeth.", says the dwarf,
"Can I thee her teeth?" Again the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses teeth. "Nithe teeth.... can I see her eerth?" the dwarf says.
By now the owner is getting a little fed up but again, picks up the dwarf to show him the horses ears. "Nithe eerth". he says, Now...can I see her twot?"
With this the owner picks the dwarf up by the scruff of his neck and shoves his head deep in just under the horses tail. He holds him there for a couple of seconds before pulling him out and putting him down.

The dwarf shakes his head and says: "Perhaps I should weefwaze that...
Can I see her wun awound?"
:lol: :lol:

Poor Spuddy... :lol: :wink:

But also, top work offending both dwarfs and people with speech impediments, Lefty! :barscarf: :lol: :wink:

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DB10GOONER
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by DB10GOONER »

LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:While attending a marriage seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
"It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."
He addressed the men, "Can you describe your wife's favourite flower?"
Tom, smiling but looking a little nervous, leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's self-raising, isn't it?
:lol: :lol: :lol:

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DB10GOONER
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by DB10GOONER »

LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:Fuck me I'm out of practice here, sorry for that lot, will try harder :cry:
hmmm.... :rubchin: I don't get this one.... :|



:D :D :wink:

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

DB10GOONER wrote:
LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:Fuck me I'm out of practice here, sorry for that lot, will try harder :cry:
hmmm.... :rubchin: I don't get this one.... :|



:D :D :wink:
:lol:

Was a bit rusty, thought I was going to be slated there :lol:

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GranadaJoe
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by GranadaJoe »

Top man.

Top work.

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

GranadaJoe wrote:Top man.

Top work.
Cheers Joe :barscarf:

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scotgooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by scotgooner »

Burger walks into a bar ...

Barman says "sorry we don't serve food here"

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OneBardGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by OneBardGooner »

Flamini's Hero ---- Pull My Finger!

Image

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OneBardGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by OneBardGooner »

LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:Little Johnny asks his dad for a telly in his room. He reluctantly agrees.
Next day Johnny comes downstairs and asks
'Dad what is love juice?'
Dad looks horrified and tells Johnny all about sex.
Johnny sits there with mouth open in amazement.
Dad says 'so what were you watching?'
Johnny replies 'Tennis'.
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

You still Da Man LFG :bowing21: :proudtosay:

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