LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Someone told me flowers had sex organs....POPPYCOCK!
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Two men are walking down the street, and they see a dog licking his balls.
One of the guys says, "I really wish I could do that."
To which his friend replies, "Well, he looks like a friendly enough dog..."
One of the guys says, "I really wish I could do that."
To which his friend replies, "Well, he looks like a friendly enough dog..."
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
A dwarf with a lisp goes into a stud farm.
"I'd like to buy a horth" he says to the owner of the farm. "What sort of horse?" said the owner. "A female horth" the dwarf replies.
So the owner shows him a mare. "Nithe horth." says the dwarf, "Can I thee her eyeth?"
So the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses eyes. "Nithe eyeth.", says the dwarf,
"Can I thee her teeth?" Again the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses teeth. "Nithe teeth.... can I see her eerth?" the dwarf says.
By now the owner is getting a little fed up but again, picks up the dwarf to show him the horses ears. "Nithe eerth". he says, Now...can I see her twot?"
With this the owner picks the dwarf up by the scruff of his neck and shoves his head deep in just under the horses tail. He holds him there for a couple of seconds before pulling him out and putting him down.
The dwarf shakes his head and says: "Perhaps I should weefwaze that...
Can I see her wun awound?"
"I'd like to buy a horth" he says to the owner of the farm. "What sort of horse?" said the owner. "A female horth" the dwarf replies.
So the owner shows him a mare. "Nithe horth." says the dwarf, "Can I thee her eyeth?"
So the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses eyes. "Nithe eyeth.", says the dwarf,
"Can I thee her teeth?" Again the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses teeth. "Nithe teeth.... can I see her eerth?" the dwarf says.
By now the owner is getting a little fed up but again, picks up the dwarf to show him the horses ears. "Nithe eerth". he says, Now...can I see her twot?"
With this the owner picks the dwarf up by the scruff of his neck and shoves his head deep in just under the horses tail. He holds him there for a couple of seconds before pulling him out and putting him down.
The dwarf shakes his head and says: "Perhaps I should weefwaze that...
Can I see her wun awound?"
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- Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Little Johnny asks his dad for a telly in his room. He reluctantly agrees.
Next day Johnny comes downstairs and asks
'Dad what is love juice?'
Dad looks horrified and tells Johnny all about sex.
Johnny sits there with mouth open in amazement.
Dad says 'so what were you watching?'
Johnny replies 'Tennis'.
Next day Johnny comes downstairs and asks
'Dad what is love juice?'
Dad looks horrified and tells Johnny all about sex.
Johnny sits there with mouth open in amazement.
Dad says 'so what were you watching?'
Johnny replies 'Tennis'.
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
An elderly man and his wife are taking a stroll through the country when they spy a fence where they used to conduct their courting.
Excited by this, they make love furiously, with their arms and legs waving about everywhere.
When they are finished, the woman says, surprised, "You never had sex with me like that 50 years ago",
to which the man replies
"Well, that fence wasn't fuckin electric 50 years ago."
Excited by this, they make love furiously, with their arms and legs waving about everywhere.
When they are finished, the woman says, surprised, "You never had sex with me like that 50 years ago",
to which the man replies
"Well, that fence wasn't fuckin electric 50 years ago."
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
While attending a marriage seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
"It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."
He addressed the men, "Can you describe your wife's favourite flower?"
Tom, smiling but looking a little nervous, leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's self-raising, isn't it?
"It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."
He addressed the men, "Can you describe your wife's favourite flower?"
Tom, smiling but looking a little nervous, leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's self-raising, isn't it?
- DB10GOONER
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:A dwarf with a lisp goes into a stud farm.
"I'd like to buy a horth" he says to the owner of the farm. "What sort of horse?" said the owner. "A female horth" the dwarf replies.
So the owner shows him a mare. "Nithe horth." says the dwarf, "Can I thee her eyeth?"
So the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses eyes. "Nithe eyeth.", says the dwarf,
"Can I thee her teeth?" Again the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses teeth. "Nithe teeth.... can I see her eerth?" the dwarf says.
By now the owner is getting a little fed up but again, picks up the dwarf to show him the horses ears. "Nithe eerth". he says, Now...can I see her twot?"
With this the owner picks the dwarf up by the scruff of his neck and shoves his head deep in just under the horses tail. He holds him there for a couple of seconds before pulling him out and putting him down.
The dwarf shakes his head and says: "Perhaps I should weefwaze that...
Can I see her wun awound?"
Poor Spuddy...
But also, top work offending both dwarfs and people with speech impediments, Lefty!
- DB10GOONER
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:While attending a marriage seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
"It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."
He addressed the men, "Can you describe your wife's favourite flower?"
Tom, smiling but looking a little nervous, leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's self-raising, isn't it?
- DB10GOONER
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- Joined: Tue Jan 16, 2007 2:06 pm
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- Contact:
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
hmmm.... I don't get this one....LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:Fuck me I'm out of practice here, sorry for that lot, will try harder
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
DB10GOONER wrote:hmmm.... I don't get this one....LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:Fuck me I'm out of practice here, sorry for that lot, will try harder
Was a bit rusty, thought I was going to be slated there
- GranadaJoe
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Top man.
Top work.
Top work.
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Cheers JoeGranadaJoe wrote:Top man.
Top work.
- scotgooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Burger walks into a bar ...
Barman says "sorry we don't serve food here"
Barman says "sorry we don't serve food here"
- OneBardGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Flamini's Hero ---- Pull My Finger!
- OneBardGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:Little Johnny asks his dad for a telly in his room. He reluctantly agrees.
Next day Johnny comes downstairs and asks
'Dad what is love juice?'
Dad looks horrified and tells Johnny all about sex.
Johnny sits there with mouth open in amazement.
Dad says 'so what were you watching?'
Johnny replies 'Tennis'.
You still Da Man LFG