LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

Periods: What a bloody waste of fucking time.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

If your wife can't handle a compliment, maybe she shouldn't keep such a well groomed moustache.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

I'm gonna post some old classics that I love so no moaning if you have heard them, although tbf you've probably heard the ones I've posted anyway

Don't know who I'm talking to cos no cunnt comes on this thread



Adam was roaming around the garden of Eden and after a long period passed he started to get bored so he asked god for a favour.

"God this garden is fantastic and I love it but I am bored and need company, is there someone you can send to join me?"

God replied "Yes Adam, I can send you a woman, she will be perfect in looks and body and will pander to your every need, she will cook, clean, massage you after a long day, and she will cater to your sexual desires whenever you want it"

"Wow" Adam replied, "that sounds amazing, when is this woman arriving?"

"You must give up one of your arms and one of your legs before this woman is sent down Adam" God replies.

"Hmmm, that's a big ask God, I mean that will leave me crippled, I'm not sure about this" says Adam.

"Not Sure!!" replies God, "I just told you this woman is perfect in every way and will look after your every whim without question"

Adam takes a minute to reply and finally says "One arm and one leg is too much for me to pay for this perfect woman God, what can I get for Rib?"

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

If a woman says something and there isn't a man around to hear her, is she still wrong?

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

Just failed my theory test.
Apparently female drivers aren't a hazard.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

First woman on the Moon:
"Houston, we have a problem."
What?
"Never mind."
What's the problem?
"Nothing."
Please tell us.
"You know what the problem is."

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

They say a woman's work is never done.

Maybe that's why they get paid less.

[bobbybigb]

Don't know who I'm talking to cos no cunnt comes on this thread


I do lefty .... got a rugby club gig and local beer festival turn coming up and needed an update of my material or should i say yours !!!!!
Keep em coming mate COYG

[DB10GOONER]

First woman on the Moon:
"Houston, we have a problem."
What?
"Never mind."
What's the problem?
"Nothing."
Please tell us.
"You know what the problem is."

Top quality, Lefty.

[DB10GOONER]

What do spinach and anal sex have in common?

If you were forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as an adult.

Poor Spuddy!

[g88ner]

What do spinach and anal sex have in common?

If you were forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as an adult.

Poor Spuddy!

I can empathise with poor spuddy









I hate spinach too

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

Don't know who I'm talking to cos no cunnt comes on this thread


I do lefty .... got a rugby club gig and local beer festival turn coming up and needed an update of my material or should i say yours !!!!!
Keep em coming mate COYG

I will have to come and see one of my gigs soon

[arseofacrow]

Don't know who I'm talking to cos no cunnt comes on this thread


I do lefty .... got a rugby club gig and local beer festival turn coming up and needed an update of my material or should i say yours !!!!!
Keep em coming mate COYG

I will have to come and see one of my gigs soon

You'll probably ask for your money back, mate although the Houston joke is a cracker

Perhaps you could get a job at FIFA as their joke writer?!

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

Don't know who I'm talking to cos no cunnt comes on this thread


I do lefty .... got a rugby club gig and local beer festival turn coming up and needed an update of my material or should i say yours !!!!!
Keep em coming mate COYG

I will have to come and see one of my gigs soon

You'll probably ask for your money back, mate although the Houston joke is a cracker

Perhaps you could get a job at FIFA as their joke writer?!

Think it would be very harsh if I had to pay to see my own gig tbh

I wouldn't mind working for fifa and yes I would take backhanders for votes, couldn't care less where the world cup is played and we would all love to retire early

[arseofacrow]

Don't know who I'm talking to cos no cunnt comes on this thread


I do lefty .... got a rugby club gig and local beer festival turn coming up and needed an update of my material or should i say yours !!!!!
Keep em coming mate COYG

I will have to come and see one of my gigs soon

You'll probably ask for your money back, mate although the Houston joke is a cracker

Perhaps you could get a job at FIFA as their joke writer?!

Think it would be very harsh if I had to pay to see my own gig tbh

I wouldn't mind working for fifa and yes I would take backhanders for votes, couldn't care less where the world cup is played and we would all love to retire early

Be harsh on anyone to pay.