LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

I just rang Alcohol Concern.

Told them I was worried I didn't have enough beer in the fridge.

They're quite rude, aren't they?

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

A man and a woman are getting ready for a party...

Woman: Does this dress make me look fat?

Man: Do you promise not to get mad no matter what I say?

Woman: Yes, I promise.

Man: I fucked your sister.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

I've just bought a house with old period features.

She fucking hates it when I call her that.

[Bradywasking]

Adele has contracted that flesh eating virus.

Doctors have given her only two decades to live.

Nasty

[The Arsenal Way]

Not sure if it's worth posting jokes when only 2 people see them, as much as I like you two people lol.

I will let this thread slip into obscurity, very much like Arsene.

Only 2 might comment but I'd say a lot of people do read them mate. Personally I hope you keep up the good work as there are some days your jokes literally prevent me killing a train load of my fellow commuters!

Thats Govt employees for ya.
Murderers !!!!

[Jock Gooner]

An Englishman, an Irishman, a Welshman and a Scot are captured by the Iraqis.
The Iraq troop leader says, "we"re going to shoot you, but we will give you one last request."
He says to the Welshman, "what"s your last request?"
The Welshman says, "I want a thousand Welshman singing "Land of my Fathers"."
"Okay, you"ve got it. What about you?" he says to the Scotsman."
I want a thousand Scots pipers piping Scotland the brave," says the Scot."You"ve got it" says the Iraqi.
"What"s your last request?" he says to the Irishman."I want a thousand Irishman doing the Riverdance" says Paddy."It"s yours" says the Iraqi.

Turning to the Englishman, he says, "and your last request?"

The Englishman says, "fucking shoot me first".

[DB10GOONER]

Some absolute belters there Lefty. Will keep me going on my commute and entertain a few whatsapp groups I'm in too!

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

Some absolute belters there Lefty. Will keep me going on my commute and entertain a few whatsapp groups I'm in too!

Nice one mate, don't blame me though it your friends start leaving the group's

[gazzatt2]

Some absolute belters there Lefty. Will keep me going on my commute and entertain a few whatsapp groups I'm in too!

Nice one mate, don't blame me though it your friends start leaving the group's

Imaginary friends can never leave

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

Some absolute belters there Lefty. Will keep me going on my commute and entertain a few whatsapp groups I'm in too!

Nice one mate, don't blame me though it your friends start leaving the group's

Imaginary friends can never leave

[DB10GOONER]

Some absolute belters there Lefty. Will keep me going on my commute and entertain a few whatsapp groups I'm in too!

Nice one mate, don't blame me though it your friends start leaving the group's

Imaginary friends can never leave

Turns out they can. The fuckers.

[corkbarry]

Some absolute belters there Lefty. Will keep me going on my commute and entertain a few whatsapp groups I'm in too!

Nice one mate, don't blame me though it your friends start leaving the group's

Imaginary friends can never leave

Turns out they can. The fuckers.

Who are you,Who are you????

[IW8Goalmachine]

I went to go to the vagina museum but accidentally went in the building next door.

The place was a shit hole.

[IW8Goalmachine]

The wife was trying to be sexy for me last night. When I came up the stairs, I found her lying naked on the bed, licking a lollipop. Then she slipped it up her fanny...

I said, "Careful with that, love. You'll need it to help the children across the road tomorrow..."

[Midz]

A man and a woman are getting ready for a party...

Woman: Does this dress make me look fat?

Man: Do you promise not to get mad no matter what I say?

Woman: Yes, I promise.

Man: I fucked your sister.