LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

It's all a load of Cannonballs in here! This is the virtual Arsenal pub where you can chat about anything except football. Be warned though, like any pub, the content may not always be suitable for everyone.
LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby LeftfootlegendGooner » Fri Mar 09, 2018 5:30 pm

If you want to play a real life version of Pac-Man then go to DFS and try and avoid the salesman.

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby LeftfootlegendGooner » Fri Mar 09, 2018 5:34 pm

Two cavemen are talking, one says, "I'm going to teach my woman to speak."

The other one says, "What harm can it do."

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby LeftfootlegendGooner » Fri Mar 09, 2018 5:35 pm

RIP Hugh Hefner. He'd seen more cuntts than the turnstiles at old Trafford.

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby LeftfootlegendGooner » Fri Mar 09, 2018 5:37 pm

The Car of the Year for 2017, as voted by Woman magazine is:

A Blue one.

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby LeftfootlegendGooner » Fri Mar 09, 2018 5:41 pm

I've been paying £2 a month to the Cats Protection League for over a year. I missed 2 payments and they've just been round and broken my cat’s legs.

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby LeftfootlegendGooner » Fri Mar 09, 2018 5:42 pm

A Muslim lady was denied entrance into Mcdonalds today until she removes her hijab.... Should have gone to Burka king

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby LeftfootlegendGooner » Fri Mar 09, 2018 5:44 pm

My kids keep on taking the piss out my alzheimers. Wait till the cheeky little buggers wake up on Christmas morning and find no eggs under the bonfire

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DB10GOONER
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby DB10GOONER » Fri Mar 09, 2018 5:44 pm

After sex, there's nothing worse than finding a broken condom on your cock. Especially when you didn't start with one.
:lol: :lol:

Some crackers there lefty. Well done mate. 8)

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DB10GOONER
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby DB10GOONER » Fri Mar 09, 2018 5:45 pm

RIP Hugh Hefner. He'd seen more cuntts than the turnstiles at old Trafford.
:lol: 8)

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DB10GOONER
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby DB10GOONER » Fri Mar 09, 2018 5:46 pm

I'm just on holiday and got my girlfriend to smuggle some coke up her arse through customs. I didn't realise I could've just bought another can in the departure lounge.
:lol: :lol:

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby LeftfootlegendGooner » Fri Mar 09, 2018 5:47 pm

They've published another week of Elizabeth Fritzl's diary.
Monday:- Stayed in, Dad came down and fucked me.
Tuesday:- Stayed in, Got fucked by Dad Wednesday:- Stayed in, Dad fucked me doggy style
Thursday:- Stayed in, Dad spunked on my face Friday:- Stayed in, Dad gave my arse a right pounding
Saturday:- Went to watch Tottenham Hotspur play. Wish I'd fucking stayed in.

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby LeftfootlegendGooner » Fri Mar 09, 2018 5:48 pm

After sex, there's nothing worse than finding a broken condom on your cock. Especially when you didn't start with one.
:lol: :lol:

Some crackers there lefty. Well done mate. 8)
Cheers mate :barscarf:

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby LeftfootlegendGooner » Fri Mar 09, 2018 5:51 pm

Bloody Foreigner.

Coming over here demanding to know what love is.

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby LeftfootlegendGooner » Fri Mar 09, 2018 5:55 pm

The police phoned me to tell me my wife was in hospital.
"How is she?" I asked.
"Very critical," replied the officer.
"What's she fucking complaining about now?" I said.

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GranadaJoe
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby GranadaJoe » Fri Mar 09, 2018 6:24 pm

Top, top work as always.

I'm looking forward to trying the 'feminist' ones on the wife. Do women have a sense of humour?


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