LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

It's all a load of Cannonballs in here! This is the virtual Arsenal pub where you can chat about anything except football. Be warned though, like any pub, the content may not always be suitable for everyone.
LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby LeftfootlegendGooner » Thu Nov 14, 2019 10:48 pm

Talk about coincidence - BBC NEWS: Three Cliff Walkers have fallen to their death on an expedition....

Can't believe they all had the same name....

Jock Gooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby Jock Gooner » Fri Nov 15, 2019 10:37 am

In light of the recent events in Korea, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide."

The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender."

The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.
:coffeespit: :coffeespit: :coffeespit: :coffeespit: :coffeespit: :coffeespit: :barscarf: :barscarf: :barscarf:

Who wrote that, an Italian :lol:

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DB10GOONER
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Location: Dublin, Ireland.
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby DB10GOONER » Fri Nov 15, 2019 4:45 pm

A priest has a heart attack, and is rushed to the hospital. He wakes up as he's being rushed through the hospital on a gurney by two nurses.

"Am I in heaven?" asks the disoriented priest. "No" says one of the nurses. "We're just taking a short cut through the children's ward."
:coffeespit: some blinders but this one had me laughing out loud. On the train home. :oops: :lol:

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corkbarry
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Location: Cork

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby corkbarry » Wed Nov 20, 2019 8:55 pm

To the creep who stole my glasses.

I will find you, I have contacts.

My daughter wanted a bouncy castle for her birthday. The guy said the rental was €50 and the set-up fee was €1000. I said, “That’s outrageous!” He just shrugged and said, “That’s inflation for you.”



To the scumbag that stole my runners and hi viz vest you can run but you can't hide.


I was in the jewellers yesterday and was asked arrested, It seems
the sign in the window saying ..come in and pick your own ring means something else,

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Postman
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Location: N5

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby Postman » Sun Dec 01, 2019 8:20 am

An elderly couple was watching a Discovery Channel special about a West African bush tribe whose men all had penises 24 inches long. When the black male reaches a certain age, a string is tied around his penis and on the other end is a weight. After a while, the weight stretches the penis to 24 inches.

Later that evening as the husband was getting out of the shower,
his wife looked at him and said, "How about we try the African
string-and-weight procedure?"

The husband agreed and they tied a string and a weight to his penis.

A few days later, the wife asked the husband,
"How is our little tribal experiment coming along?"

"It looks like we're about half way there," he replied.

"Wow, you mean it's grown to 12 inches?"

"No, it's turned black.


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