LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

It's all a load of Cannonballs in here! This is the virtual Arsenal pub where you can chat about anything except football. Be warned though, like any pub, the content may not always be suitable for everyone.
LeftfootlegendGooner
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Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

Marriage! Been there, done that, she's got the tee shirt.

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 8366
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

A prostate examination is not a good time to find out your doctor is an amateur ventriloquist.

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 8366
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

I like to give most of my money to charity... I work for Oxfam and charity is my favourite hooker.

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 8366
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

My colleague can no longer attend next weeks Innuendo Seminar so I have to fill her slot

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 8366
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

I accidently shot a Golden Eagle while out Duck shooting and ended up in court. The judge said.."this is a very serious crime, do you have anything to say in your defence?" "Yes your Honour, it was very misty and the light was fading and, once I realised the horror of what I'd done, I remembered what my late father said. 'If you kill an animal you must respect it's spirit and eat every part of it' so I took it home and fed my family for a day" " That's very moving young man and, under the circumstances, I'm prepared to admonish you but..just before you step down..I'm curious, what did it taste like?" "Hard to say Your Honour, kind of like a cross between an Osprey and a Peregrine"

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 8366
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

Police attending an incident in Liverpool returned to their car to find it up on bricks.

Officers are working tyrelessly to find the culprit.

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 8366
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

"Treat others as you wish to be treated."

"What, suck their cocks?"

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 8366
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

Harry Redknapp should know what it's like putting his hand into a box full of cobwebs and spiders... ...He did it for years in the Spurs trophy cabinet.

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 8366
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

One time you had to pull a womans knickers down to see her arse.

Nowadays you have to open her arse to see her knickers.

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 8366
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

"You're so childish" screamed the wife. "Why do you always have to use that stupid walkie talkie with your stupid friends, this is ridiculous, this relationship is over!"

"This relationship is what? Over"

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 8366
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

A bank robber walks up to one of his hostages and asks, "Did you see my face?"The hostage replies, "Yes."The robber takes aim and shoots the man in the head.He turns to the next man. "And did you see my face?""No, but my wife did

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 8366
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

This is for the 7' bald giant old man :lol:

I went to the doctors and said '' my hairs falling out, can you give me something to keep it in? '' he gave me a box.

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 8366
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

Two priests are driving down the road when they are stopped by two police officers.

"We're looking for two child molesters," the officers tell them.

The priests look at each other for a moment before replying, "We'll do it."

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 8366
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

I’m a half glass full type of guy ... Damn this Parkinson’s!

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 8366
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

I bought the wife a hula hoop... It fits!

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