LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

It's all a load of Cannonballs in here! This is the virtual Arsenal pub where you can chat about anything except football. Be warned though, like any pub, the content may not always be suitable for everyone.
corkbarry1
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by corkbarry1 »

When i was ten my my 14 year old brother told me the facts of life :rubchin:

A gang of us were gathered under an old oak tree,about 16 in total.
I said in another year or two our mikeys would get big an hard. This was passed around the group over and over when i heard one voice say
"Mine is big and hard now"
I shouted back "Fuck off Father Murpy, you shouldn't be here"


Later on i was explaining how to put it inside her when Alan Kelly started crying and mumbling.


"I don't like Cider"

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

Save your wankk until 8pm on thursday so it sounds like the whole street is cheering you on .

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

A shop assistant fiercely fought off an armed robber with his labelling gun, yesterday.

Police are now looking for a man and say there's a price on his head

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

I hope the pubs open soon,

I need to cut down on my drinking.

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

I walked into the bank yesterday, and the staff were all wearing masks.

Finally some honesty.

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

If you want to save money this Christmas, now is the perfect time to tell the kids that Santa didn't make it through the pandemic.

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DB10GOONER
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by DB10GOONER »

LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:
Sun May 10, 2020 3:44 pm
Save your wankk until 8pm on thursday so it sounds like the whole street is cheering you on .
:coffeespit:

Some blinding covid jokes Lefty but that one in particular had me laughing out loud on my empty train to work. :lol: 8)

Hope all is good with you and yours mate. Stay safe. 8)

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

DB10GOONER wrote:
Tue May 12, 2020 6:24 am
LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:
Sun May 10, 2020 3:44 pm
Save your wankk until 8pm on thursday so it sounds like the whole street is cheering you on .
:coffeespit:

Some blinding covid jokes Lefty but that one in particular had me laughing out loud on my empty train to work. :lol: 8)

Hope all is good with you and yours mate. Stay safe. 8)
:lol:

Yes that one is funny as, my whattsapp group love it as I'm sure yours will too :lol:

The family and I are well thanks for asking, hoping all is well with you and your loved ones too mate.

Stay safe too buddy.

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

Not all fat people are jolly.

Some are feminists.

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

A man in Saudi Arabia has been caught stealing hand sanitiser.

He won't need it now.

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

When I was in school I got asked, "What is 3000 converted into Roman Numerals ?" I replied, "Mmm...."

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

Only 35 more claps until Christmas.

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

Ryanair have said they will provide free compulsory face masks for their passengers.

The elastic that goes behind your ears will be 60 Euros.

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

I see America has plans to save thousands more lives when the coronavirus lock down ends.

They're not opening the schools.

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

I bought a fanny shaped Chinese vase at auction.

Apparently it's from the Minge Dynasty.

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