The Gooner Forum

LeftfootlegendGooner wrote: ↑

Tue Jul 28, 2020 9:42 am

I bumped into a cross eyed woman today and she shouted "You need to look where you're going!"...

I said "Fuck off, you need to go where you're looking!"

LeftfootlegendGooner wrote: ↑

Tue Jul 28, 2020 8:58 am

A bloke walks into a pet shop and places a bomb on the counter and says ” you’ve got one minute to get out”, a tortoise in the back shouts ” you bastard!”

Postman wrote: ↑

Sat Aug 29, 2020 11:47 pm

"A Spurs fan, an Arsenal fan and a West Ham fan were all in Saudi Arabia drinking a smuggled crate of booze.

All of a sudden Saudi police rushed in and arrested them.

For their punishment the Saudi Arabia Sheik decided that the punishment should be 20 lashes with a whip.

As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik suddenly said: "It is my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."

The West Hamfan was first in line (he had consumed the least), so he thought about it for a while and then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back."

This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through it.

The West Ham fan had to be carried away bleeding and crying when the punishment was done.

The Spurs fan was next up (he almost finished a half-keg), and after watching the scene, said: "Choice! Please fix two pillows on my back."

But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again.

The Arsenal was the last one up (he had finished off the keg), but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "I have a soft spot for Arsenal you play lovely football and have the best fans. For this, you may have two wishes!"

"Cheers mate, your Most Royal and Merciful highness", the Arsenal fan replied.

"In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes."

"Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave." The Sheik said with an admiring look on his face.

"If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish? What is it to be?" the Sheik asked.

"Tie that Spurs fan to my back..."

Block93 wrote: ↑

Thu Sep 10, 2020 4:47 pm

(This is really old, so apols if it appears earlier in this thread...)



Tracey is out on a hot date that evening, so she goes to an expensive perfume shop in preparation.

"Madame may like this one", says the posh assistant.

Tracey looks at the name. ''Veen-a-moy", she says,' "that's a really weird name for perfume''.

"Madame, it is an exclusive and very seductive French perfume. ''Vien a moi'. It means 'Come to me'."

Tracey takes a sniff. "That's funny", she says, "it doesn't smell like come to me".

shu wrote: ↑

Fri Sep 18, 2020 9:09 pm

Is Left foot banned ? I miss his jokes