LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

If you want to play a real life version of Pac-Man then go to DFS and try and avoid the salesman.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

Two cavemen are talking, one says, "I'm going to teach my woman to speak."

The other one says, "What harm can it do."

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

RIP Hugh Hefner. He'd seen more cuntts than the turnstiles at old Trafford.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

The Car of the Year for 2017, as voted by Woman magazine is:

A Blue one.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

I've been paying £2 a month to the Cats Protection League for over a year. I missed 2 payments and they've just been round and broken my cat’s legs.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

A Muslim lady was denied entrance into Mcdonalds today until she removes her hijab.... Should have gone to Burka king

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

My kids keep on taking the piss out my alzheimers. Wait till the cheeky little buggers wake up on Christmas morning and find no eggs under the bonfire

[DB10GOONER]

After sex, there's nothing worse than finding a broken condom on your cock. Especially when you didn't start with one.

Some crackers there lefty. Well done mate.

[DB10GOONER]

RIP Hugh Hefner. He'd seen more cuntts than the turnstiles at old Trafford.

[DB10GOONER]

I'm just on holiday and got my girlfriend to smuggle some coke up her arse through customs. I didn't realise I could've just bought another can in the departure lounge.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

They've published another week of Elizabeth Fritzl's diary.
Monday:- Stayed in, Dad came down and fucked me.
Tuesday:- Stayed in, Got fucked by Dad Wednesday:- Stayed in, Dad fucked me doggy style
Thursday:- Stayed in, Dad spunked on my face Friday:- Stayed in, Dad gave my arse a right pounding
Saturday:- Went to watch Tottenham Hotspur play. Wish I'd fucking stayed in.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

After sex, there's nothing worse than finding a broken condom on your cock. Especially when you didn't start with one.

Some crackers there lefty. Well done mate.

Cheers mate

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

Bloody Foreigner.

Coming over here demanding to know what love is.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

The police phoned me to tell me my wife was in hospital.
"How is she?" I asked.
"Very critical," replied the officer.
"What's she fucking complaining about now?" I said.

[GranadaJoe]

Top, top work as always.

I'm looking forward to trying the 'feminist' ones on the wife. Do women have a sense of humour?