LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

It's all a load of Cannonballs in here! This is the virtual Arsenal pub where you can chat about anything except football. Be warned though, like any pub, the content may not always be suitable for everyone.
LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

I just found out I’m colourblind.

It came completely out of the Purple.

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

The hardest thing about a sex change operation is trying to make cheese taste like fish.

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 8354
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

I read that a banana a day helps to keep your colon clean.

I just wish they'd told me I was supposed to eat them.

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

I’m desperate to get back with my ex wife, but she’s having none of it... She thinks I’m only after her for my money.

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 8354
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

What's an old Catholic priest's favourite tune?

The Magic Flute in D minor

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 8354
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

90% of women don't like men in pink shirts.

Ironically, 90% of men in pink shirts don't like women

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

Stalking is when two people go for a long romantic walk together but only one of them knows it

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 8354
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

Is my Thai girlfriend really a guy? Something inside me says yes!

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 8354
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

I tried to explain to my 4-year-old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally shit your pants, but he's still making fun of me.

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 8354
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

Feminists just want to be treated equally

To the pretty ones.

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 8354
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

Women want equality ...

And maybe when they evolve and realise that a bad mood is not a valid reason to mistreat people, they might deserve it.

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 8354
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

Interesting that feminists are never feminine.

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 8354
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

I went into a women's changing room today and forced everyone to act as if they wanted me there

Like a female football pundit.

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

If modern society has taught us anything, it's that the less a person is qualified to have an opinion

The more likely she is to express it

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 8354
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

So Boris Johnson wants to build a bridge from Britain to France.

The French are said to he happy with this as it gives their army another direction to run in.

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