LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Do female pilots sit in a cuntpit ?
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
With petrol prices now at £1.30 a litre, it's actually cheaper to buy cocaine and run everywhere instead
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Heard my neighbour shagging for what seemed like ages last night, moaning, groaning and banging the headboard off the wall!...
Turns out her elderly mother had fallen over cracked her head and was knocking on the wall with her stick for help.....
Feel a bit guilty about the wan.k now
Turns out her elderly mother had fallen over cracked her head and was knocking on the wall with her stick for help.....
Feel a bit guilty about the wan.k now
Last edited by LeftfootlegendGooner on Fri Mar 06, 2020 3:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
LeftfootlegendGooner wrote: ↑Fri Mar 06, 2020 2:47 pmDue to the water shortage in Ireland, Dublin Swimming Baths have announced that they are closing lanes 7 and 8.
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
My favourite for some reasonLeftfootlegendGooner wrote: ↑Fri Mar 06, 2020 2:33 pmJeremy Corbyn has just issued a statement saying the Labour party is not antisemitic and anyone that says it is should keep their big nose out.
Cheers lefty, some crackers in there
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
LeftfootlegendGooner wrote: ↑Fri Mar 06, 2020 2:20 pmI phoned my wife earlier and asked her if she wanted me to pick up fish and chips on my way home from work but she just grunted at me.
I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
LeftfootlegendGooner wrote: ↑Fri Mar 06, 2020 2:47 pmDue to the water shortage in Ireland, Dublin Swimming Baths have announced that they are closing lanes 7 and 8.
Motherfucker.
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
LeftfootlegendGooner wrote: ↑Fri Mar 06, 2020 3:02 pmHeard my neighbour shagging for what seemed like ages last night, moaning, groaning and banging the headboard off the wall!...
Turns out her elderly mother had fallen over cracked her head and was knocking on the wall with her stick for help.....
Feel a bit guilty about the wan.k now
A mate of mine was once sleeping off a serious session in my flat's living room and I had a young lady in my bedroom for a one-nighter. Much amazing and loud sex followed. Next morning my mate says "while you were sharking that dog last night I had a crafty wànk out here". Just as he finished out she walked from the kitchen.
Never saw her again. True story.
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Admit it was the other way round and I’d totally believe itDB10GOONER wrote: ↑Mon Mar 09, 2020 5:47 pmLeftfootlegendGooner wrote: ↑Fri Mar 06, 2020 3:02 pmHeard my neighbour shagging for what seemed like ages last night, moaning, groaning and banging the headboard off the wall!...
Turns out her elderly mother had fallen over cracked her head and was knocking on the wall with her stick for help.....
Feel a bit guilty about the wan.k now
A mate of mine was once sleeping off a serious session in my flat's living room and I had a young lady in my bedroom for a one-nighter. Much amazing and loud sex followed. Next morning my mate says "while you were sharking that dog last night I had a crafty wànk out here". Just as he finished out she walked from the kitchen.
Never saw her again. True story.
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
StuartL wrote: ↑Mon Mar 09, 2020 10:08 pmAdmit it was the other way round and I’d totally believe itDB10GOONER wrote: ↑Mon Mar 09, 2020 5:47 pmLeftfootlegendGooner wrote: ↑Fri Mar 06, 2020 3:02 pmHeard my neighbour shagging for what seemed like ages last night, moaning, groaning and banging the headboard off the wall!...
Turns out her elderly mother had fallen over cracked her head and was knocking on the wall with her stick for help.....
Feel a bit guilty about the wan.k now
A mate of mine was once sleeping off a serious session in my flat's living room and I had a young lady in my bedroom for a one-nighter. Much amazing and loud sex followed. Next morning my mate says "while you were sharking that dog last night I had a crafty wànk out here". Just as he finished out she walked from the kitchen.
Never saw her again. True story.
Believe it Stu. And that's one of the milder stories from my depraved but very enjoyable youth.
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
DB10GOONER wrote: ↑Mon Mar 09, 2020 5:47 pmLeftfootlegendGooner wrote: ↑Fri Mar 06, 2020 3:02 pmHeard my neighbour shagging for what seemed like ages last night, moaning, groaning and banging the headboard off the wall!...
Turns out her elderly mother had fallen over cracked her head and was knocking on the wall with her stick for help.....
Feel a bit guilty about the wan.k now
A mate of mine was once sleeping off a serious session in my flat's living room and I had a young lady in my bedroom for a one-nighter. Much amazing and loud sex followed. Next morning my mate says "while you were sharking that dog last night I had a crafty wànk out here". Just as he finished out she walked from the kitchen.
Never saw her again. True story.
Here's a true one too.
When I was about 16 I was banging this fit bird but we'd normally have sex round my parents house on Tuesday and Saturday when my parents used to go to the market.
Anyhow this one time round her house her parents were out but one of my mates had tagged along, in fact he was on the bottom bunk while me and this bird were on the top.
Well we got down to some light fingering and pulling on the vomiting rod, of course this led to her wanting more but gibbo (I've not changed his nickname at the time so I can embarrass him once more ) was arching his neck out to get a view.
So I flicked the light off, tipped her up and took her to heaven and back, her not being on the pill and me not having a safety jacket it was the old pull out on the vinegar stroke method.
So I whipped it out and shot my love juice all over Duran Duran, (I can still here it splatting that poster), but gibbo was still trying to get a glimpse, tbf it was probably the shortest part of a threesome ever achieved
Needless to say gibbo got millions of my potential kids all over his face, I can still hear him screaming, wretching and running to the bathroom hurling up
He actually had the front to call me the dirty fucker
Of course his new nickname was spunkface
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
LeftfootlegendGooner wrote: ↑Tue Mar 10, 2020 12:29 pmDB10GOONER wrote: ↑Mon Mar 09, 2020 5:47 pmLeftfootlegendGooner wrote: ↑Fri Mar 06, 2020 3:02 pmHeard my neighbour shagging for what seemed like ages last night, moaning, groaning and banging the headboard off the wall!...
Turns out her elderly mother had fallen over cracked her head and was knocking on the wall with her stick for help.....
Feel a bit guilty about the wan.k now
A mate of mine was once sleeping off a serious session in my flat's living room and I had a young lady in my bedroom for a one-nighter. Much amazing and loud sex followed. Next morning my mate says "while you were sharking that dog last night I had a crafty wànk out here". Just as he finished out she walked from the kitchen.
Never saw her again. True story.
Here's a true one too.
When I was about 16 I was banging this fit bird but we'd normally have sex round my parents house on Tuesday and Saturday when my parents used to go to the market.
Anyhow this one time round her house her parents were out but one of my mates had tagged along, in fact he was on the bottom bunk while me and this bird were on the top.
Well we got down to some light fingering and pulling on the vomiting rod, of course this led to her wanting more but gibbo (I've not changed his nickname at the time so I can embarrass him once more ) was arching his neck out to get a view.
So I flicked the light off, tipped her up and took her to heaven and back, her not being on the pill and me not having a safety jacket it was the old pull out on the vinegar stroke method.
So I whipped it out and shot my love juice all over Duran Duran, (I can still here it splatting that poster), but gibbo was still trying to get a glimpse, tbf it was probably the shortest part of a threesome ever achieved
Needless to say gibbo got millions of my potential kids all over his face, I can still hear him screaming, wretching and running to the bathroom hurling up
He actually had the front to call me the dirty fucker
Of course his new nickname was spunkface
Ashley Banjo - the artist formerly known as "gibbo".
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
DB10GOONER wrote: ↑Tue Mar 10, 2020 4:57 pmLeftfootlegendGooner wrote: ↑Tue Mar 10, 2020 12:29 pmDB10GOONER wrote: ↑Mon Mar 09, 2020 5:47 pmLeftfootlegendGooner wrote: ↑Fri Mar 06, 2020 3:02 pmHeard my neighbour shagging for what seemed like ages last night, moaning, groaning and banging the headboard off the wall!...
Turns out her elderly mother had fallen over cracked her head and was knocking on the wall with her stick for help.....
Feel a bit guilty about the wan.k now
A mate of mine was once sleeping off a serious session in my flat's living room and I had a young lady in my bedroom for a one-nighter. Much amazing and loud sex followed. Next morning my mate says "while you were sharking that dog last night I had a crafty wànk out here". Just as he finished out she walked from the kitchen.
Never saw her again. True story.
Here's a true one too.
When I was about 16 I was banging this fit bird but we'd normally have sex round my parents house on Tuesday and Saturday when my parents used to go to the market.
Anyhow this one time round her house her parents were out but one of my mates had tagged along, in fact he was on the bottom bunk while me and this bird were on the top.
Well we got down to some light fingering and pulling on the vomiting rod, of course this led to her wanting more but gibbo (I've not changed his nickname at the time so I can embarrass him once more ) was arching his neck out to get a view.
So I flicked the light off, tipped her up and took her to heaven and back, her not being on the pill and me not having a safety jacket it was the old pull out on the vinegar stroke method.
So I whipped it out and shot my love juice all over Duran Duran, (I can still here it splatting that poster), but gibbo was still trying to get a glimpse, tbf it was probably the shortest part of a threesome ever achieved
Needless to say gibbo got millions of my potential kids all over his face, I can still hear him screaming, wretching and running to the bathroom hurling up
He actually had the front to call me the dirty fucker
Of course his new nickname was spunkface
Ashley Banjo - the artist formerly known as "gibbo".
I have so many stories of poor old gibbo and me getting him in trouble
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Went out and bought a map of the world. Put it on the wall. Told my wife "take this dart and throw it at the map. Wherever it sticks...that's where I'm taking you "
Turns out we're having 3 weeks behind the fridge...
Turns out we're having 3 weeks behind the fridge...
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
mcdowell42 wrote: ↑Tue Mar 10, 2020 10:48 pmWent out and bought a map of the world. Put it on the wall. Told my wife "take this dart and throw it at the map. Wherever it sticks...that's where I'm taking you "
Turns out we're having 3 weeks behind the fridge...