LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
I've just sat down in the restaurant with my wife and ordered the hippo soup.
Not sure what I'm gonna have yet.
Not sure what I'm gonna have yet.
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
LeftfootlegendGooner wrote: ↑Wed May 01, 2024 2:41 pmMy wife came into the lounge and asked why our two year old son was screaming.
"He kicked me in the balls," I snarled.
"He doesn't understand that it hurts," she said.
"He fucking does now," I replied.
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
I was worried that the mechanic would rip me off because I was a blonde woman.
Imagine my relief when I found out that I only needed indicator fluid
Imagine my relief when I found out that I only needed indicator fluid
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Playing doctors and nurses with the wife in the bedroom last night didn't go very well.
Especially when I diagnosed her as clinically obese
Especially when I diagnosed her as clinically obese
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Her : "D'you wanna go upstairs?
Me : "Oh Aye Sure"
Her : "Have you got protection?"
Me : "Why?... What the fuck is up there?"
Me : "Oh Aye Sure"
Her : "Have you got protection?"
Me : "Why?... What the fuck is up there?"
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
LeftfootlegendGooner wrote: ↑Thu May 02, 2024 11:57 amI was worried that the mechanic would rip me off because I was a blonde woman.
Imagine my relief when I found out that I only needed indicator fluid
All Good One's Lefty... I told my missus this one but she didn't understand the joke!
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
LeftfootlegendGooner wrote: ↑Mon Apr 29, 2024 6:35 pmMy mother-in-law bought a talking parrot, but she took it back a week later.
"This parrot hasn't said anything!" she complained.
"I haven't had a fucking chance yet!" replied the parrot.
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
I had to go to the doctors this week due to having a very sore penis
He told me I need to stop masturbating so vigorously
When I asked why,
he said it was making his desk wobble.
He told me I need to stop masturbating so vigorously
When I asked why,
he said it was making his desk wobble.
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Not sure why, but this one tickled me the most leftyLeftfootlegendGooner wrote: ↑Wed May 01, 2024 2:38 pmSwampy the eco-warrior has died of a heart attack.
They offered him a bypass but he wasn't having any of it.
Good work as always
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Stuart L (2) wrote: ↑Fri May 03, 2024 12:19 pmI had to go to the doctors this week due to having a very sore penis
He told me I need to stop masturbating so vigorously
When I asked why,
he said it was making his desk wobble.
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
1 inch - Are you taking the piss?
2 inch - I can't even hold it properly.
3 inch - Never been so unsatisfied in my life.
4 inch - I've had bigger.
5 inch - Good, but not enough!
6 inch - About right.
8 inch - Fucking perfect when your drunk.
10 inch - It's hurting my insides.
12 inch - I'm absolutely fucking destroyed.
How do you rate your Domino pizza?
2 inch - I can't even hold it properly.
3 inch - Never been so unsatisfied in my life.
4 inch - I've had bigger.
5 inch - Good, but not enough!
6 inch - About right.
8 inch - Fucking perfect when your drunk.
10 inch - It's hurting my insides.
12 inch - I'm absolutely fucking destroyed.
How do you rate your Domino pizza?
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
A recent survey reported that one fifth of men don't know how to turn on the dish washer.
I find that licking her nipples and a light gentle fingering usually does the trick.
I find that licking her nipples and a light gentle fingering usually does the trick.
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Stuart L (2) wrote: ↑Fri May 03, 2024 12:19 pmI had to go to the doctors this week due to having a very sore penis
He told me I need to stop masturbating so vigorously
When I asked why,
he said it was making his desk wobble.
Nice one Stuart
" A recent survey reported that one fifth of men don't know how to turn on the dish washer.
I find that licking her nipples and a light gentle fingering usually does the trick."
Nice one Lefty Me ole mucker !
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
I asked 100 women at the leisure centre what shampoo they used whilst showering?
95% replied, "what the fuck are you doing in here?
95% replied, "what the fuck are you doing in here?
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
LeftfootlegendGooner wrote: ↑Sun May 05, 2024 12:36 pmI asked 100 women at the leisure centre what shampoo they used whilst showering?
95% replied, "what the fuck are you doing in here?
You crease me up Lefty!