The Ferrari Formula One team fired their entire pit crew yesterday. The announcement followed Ferrari's decision to take advantage of the UK Government's Youth Opportunity Scheme and employ people from the Liverpool area.
The decision to hire them followed a recent documentary on how unemployed youths from the Liverpool and Birkinhead areas can remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Ferrari's existing crew can only do it in 8 seconds with millions of Euros worth of high tech equipment.
Prime Minister Gordon Brown went on record as saying this was a bold move by the Ferrari management which demonstrated the international recognition of the UK under New Labour.
As most races are won and lost in the pits, Ferrari thought they had the advantage over every team.
However, Ferrari got more than they bargained for. At the first practice session, the Liverpool and Birkinhead pit crew successfully changed the tyres in less than 6 seconds, but within 12 seconds they had re-sprayed,re-badged and sold the vehicle to the McLaren team for 8 bottles of Carlsberg Special, 50 ecstasy tablets and some photos of Lewis Hamilton's bird in the shower.
Official Weekly Joke Thread
First year students at Medical School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine,it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you should not be disgusted by anything involving the human body."
The Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the anus of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck it in
his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students initially freaked out,
hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the anus of the corpse and
sucking on it. When everyone finished, the Professor looked at the class and told them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger but sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention!
The Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the anus of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck it in
his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students initially freaked out,
hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the anus of the corpse and
sucking on it. When everyone finished, the Professor looked at the class and told them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger but sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention!
A teacher at a polytechnic college reminded her pupils of tomorrow's final exam.
'Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.
I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'
A smart-ass guy at the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'
The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering.
When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I suppose you'd have to write with your other hand'.
'Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.
I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'
A smart-ass guy at the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'
The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering.
When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I suppose you'd have to write with your other hand'.
An old man goes into a drug store to buy some Viagra
'Can I have 6 tablets, cut in quarters?'
'I can cut them for you' said Dan the pharmacist '
but a quarter tablet will not give you a full erection. '
'I'm 96' said the old man.
'I don't want an erection, I just want it sticking out far enough
so I don't piss on my slippers. '
'Can I have 6 tablets, cut in quarters?'
'I can cut them for you' said Dan the pharmacist '
but a quarter tablet will not give you a full erection. '
'I'm 96' said the old man.
'I don't want an erection, I just want it sticking out far enough
so I don't piss on my slippers. '
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OneBardGooner
- Posts: 43390
- Joined: Sat Apr 04, 2009 9:41 am
- Location: Close To The Edge
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OneBardGooner
- Posts: 43390
- Joined: Sat Apr 04, 2009 9:41 am
- Location: Close To The Edge
I'll use that one on my students!pixie wrote:A teacher at a polytechnic college reminded her pupils of tomorrow's final exam.
'Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.
I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'
A smart-ass guy at the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'
The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering.
When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I suppose you'd have to write with your other hand'.
And thats funny because?Postman wrote:A blonde goes over to her friend's house wearing a T.G.I.F. Tee-shirt.
'Why are you wearing a 'Thank God It's Friday' tee-shirt on Monday?'
'Oh crap!' the blonde says. 'I didn't realize it was a religious t-shirt. I thought it meant 'Tits Go In Front.''
Why are the jokes always about blonde birds
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LeftfootlegendGooner
- Posts: 10394
- Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm
It`s not suitable for children.......OneBardGooner wrote:I'll use that one on my students!pixie wrote:A teacher at a polytechnic college reminded her pupils of tomorrow's final exam.
'Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.
I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'
A smart-ass guy at the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'
The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering.
When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I suppose you'd have to write with your other hand'.
This simple maths test can predict your all time favorite movie. I got the Godfather when i did it. try it without looking at the list. It really does work!!!.
Pick a number from 1-9, then multiply it by 3. Then add 3. Then multiply it by 3 again. Finally add up the 2 digits together and you will find your all time favorite movie, which will be one of the following:
1.Titanic
2.The Godfather
3.Jaws
4.Shawshank redemption
5.Aliens
6.Star Wars
7.Forest gump
8.Saving Private Ryan
9. Leather clad rent boys fucking each other in the shit hole
10.Grease
Pick a number from 1-9, then multiply it by 3. Then add 3. Then multiply it by 3 again. Finally add up the 2 digits together and you will find your all time favorite movie, which will be one of the following:
1.Titanic
2.The Godfather
3.Jaws
4.Shawshank redemption
5.Aliens
6.Star Wars
7.Forest gump
8.Saving Private Ryan
9. Leather clad rent boys fucking each other in the shit hole
10.Grease
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I Hate Hleb
- Posts: 18632
- Joined: Wed May 16, 2007 3:36 pm
- Location: London
ITALIAN PHILOSOPHY!!!
An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he calls his grandson to his bed!
'Lissin-a me. I wanna for you to taka my chrome plated 38 revolver so you
will always remember me.'
'But grandpa, I really don't lika guns. Howzabout you leava me your Rolex
watch instead?'
'Shuddup an lissin. Somma day you gonna runna da business.....you gonna have
a beautifula wife, lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a couple a bambinos'
'Somma day you gonna comma home and maybe find you wife inna bed with
another man. Whadda you gonna do then....... pointa to your watch and say
'Times up'? !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he calls his grandson to his bed!
'Lissin-a me. I wanna for you to taka my chrome plated 38 revolver so you
will always remember me.'
'But grandpa, I really don't lika guns. Howzabout you leava me your Rolex
watch instead?'
'Shuddup an lissin. Somma day you gonna runna da business.....you gonna have
a beautifula wife, lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a couple a bambinos'
'Somma day you gonna comma home and maybe find you wife inna bed with
another man. Whadda you gonna do then....... pointa to your watch and say
'Times up'? !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
