The Gooner Forum

The backlash against Coronation Street's male rape storyline has led ITV bosses to consider whether it ought to drop the soap.

I went on a rollercoaster and the woman next to me wouldn't stop screaming.

Seriously, it was like she'd never seen a penis before!

I walked in with a bunch of flowers today and my wife said, "Ok, what have you done now?"

"I slept with your sister," I replied.

"What? And you think a bunch of flowers are going to make me forgive you?" she screamed.

"What the fuck are you on about?" I replied. "They're for your sister."

As the sperm dripped down my wife's chin, I looked in her eyes and asked " Do you like that ? "

"No" She relied. " What the fuck is in this sandwich ? "

A vegan said to me, "People who sell meat are disgusting!"

I said, "People who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer."

Turn a regular sofa into a sofa bed by simply forgetting your wife’s birthday.

'Alpacin Caffeine shampoo, German engineering for your hair'

Anyone else concerned about trusting German shower products

A priest has a heart attack, and is rushed to the hospital. He wakes up as he's being rushed through the hospital on a gurney by two nurses.

"Am I in heaven?" asks the disoriented priest. "No" says one of the nurses. "We're just taking a short cut through the children's ward."

If you're here for the yodelling lesson, please form an orderly orderly orderly orderly queue.

There was outrage today as mobile phone footage shows an innocent passenger being dragged onto a Ryanair flight.

I was in an American school library recently, going through a few magazines.

Then my fucking rifle jammed.

I need to re-home a dog. It's a small terrier, and tends to bark a lot. If you're interested, let me know and I'll jump over next door's fence and get it for you.

My mate from Liverpool has started working in a local slaughterhouse, stunning the animals.

They've never seen a scouser with a job.

In light of the recent events in Korea, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide."

The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender."

The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.

Got asked the time by a Yodel delivery driver earlier.

I told him it was sometime between 8am and 6pm