The Friday Joke Thread...

[DB10GOONER]

Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out.
Both were very faithful and loving wives, however
they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi
Breezers.

Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to
pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.

One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought
she would take off her panties and use them.

Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive
pair of panties and did not want to ruin them.

She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave
that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she
proceeded to wipe with that.

After the girls did their business they proceeded to
go home.

The next day one of the woman's husband was concerned
that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed
hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said:

'These girl nights out have got to stop! I'm starting to
suspect the worst... my wife came home with no panties!!!'

'That's nothing' said the other husband, 'Mine came back
with a card stuck to her ass that said.....

"From all of us at the Fire Station.
We'll never forget you.''

[Charlie! Charlie!]

[REB]

The credit crunch is worse than I thought.
I just got a letter from Readers Digest saying I had not been included in this months prize draw.

[DB10GOONER]

The credit crunch is worse than I thought.
I just got a letter from Readers Digest saying I had not been included in this months prize draw.

The fucking end is nigh!!

What next? Letters saying I haven't been preapproved for credit???!!!

[Exiled-Gooner]

what do you call a indian lesbian??

mingeeater!!

[Chippy]

Three women are about to be executed. One’’s a brunette, one’’s a redhead, and one’’s a blonde. The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, “Ready! Aim…â€

[Its Up 4 Grabs Now]

A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault.

She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!"

"I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies.

So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples.

The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!"

She looks at him "BUT… they are sperm samples???"

"DO IT!".

So the nurse sucks it back.

"That one there, drink that one as well!"

So the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."

[I Hate Hleb]

Brilliant!! Still laughing out loud at that one!!

[gusher311]

[SPUDMASHER]

quality

[North bank girl]

great!

[REB]

Why did the raisin go to jail?

Date rape.

[SPUDMASHER]

I thik you should apologise for that and then think about what you have done


this one's for you

[REB]

When Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind statement but followed it by several remarks, usual between him, the other astronauts and Mission Control. Just before he re-entered the lander, however, he made the enigmatic remark, "Good luck Mr. Jones".

Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Jones in either the Russian or American space programs.

Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what the Good luck Mr. Jones statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled.

Four years ago, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26 year old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded. Mr. Jones had finally died and so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question.

When he was a kid, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. His friend hit a fly ball which landed in the front of his neighbors' bedroom windows. His neighbors were Mr. & Mrs. Jones. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard Mrs. Jones shouting at Mr. Jones.

"Oral sex? You want oral sex? You'll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"

[pixie]

The following things were all allegedly recorded during court hearings in the USA

• Was that the same nose you broke as a child?

• Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?

• What happened then?

He said, "I have to kill you because you can identify me."

Did he kill you?

• Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?

• The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

• Were you alone or by yourself?

• What is the meaning of sperm being present?

It indicates intercourse.

Male sperm?

That is the only kind I know.

• Can you describe the individual?

He was about medium height and had a beard.

Was this a male or female?

• And were you shot in the fracas?

No, Sir. I was shot just between the fracas and the navel

• How far apart were the vehicles at the time of collision?

• Mr. Clark, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?

I went to Europe, sir.

And did you take your new wife?

• Do you have any children or anything of that kind?

• I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture.

That's me.

Were you present when that picture was taken?

• Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?

• Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?

By death.

And by whose death was it terminated?

• Do you know how far pregnant you are now?

I'll be three months on November 8.

Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?

Yes.

What were you doing at that time?

• How many times have you committed suicide?

• You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it?

• You say that the stairs went down to the basement?

Yes.

And these stairs, did they go up also?