The Gooner Forum

I'm worried something might be wrong with my testicles.

One seems bigger than the others.

Ha - mildly amusing

Haha - laughing

Hahaha - saracstic laughing

Hahahaha - Staying Alive

I've never understood the point in fire blankets.

Whose ever been in a fire and thought, "shit, it's a bit chilly in here".

Two Dinasaurs holding hands on a beach watching a ship sail away into the sunset.

One turns to the other and says "That Noah's a Cunnt"

Almost all serial killers are men.

That's because women prefer to kill one man slowly over many many years.

A bloke is being interviewed for a job, the interviewer asks him his name.

He replies "It's David Fuck Bollocks Twat *word censored* Pissflaps Turner"

The interviewer asks "Do you suffer from Tourettes David"?

The bloke replied "No, but the Vicar at my christening did"

As I pointed the gun in my wife's face I said, "Any last words?"

Three hours later, I shot her.

I bought my mother in law a chair for her 50th birthday but the wife won't let me plug it in.

Be careful if you're thinking of getting a rescue cat.

My nan had one.

She slipped and fell one day and the cat literally sat there and did fuck all.

What's blue and keeps a *word censored* warm?

A Chelsea scarf.

I love taking my blind daughter out for a drive.

Every time I hit a speed bump, I tell her it was a dog.

I unfortunately mixed up my sleeping pills with my Viagra.

I ended up having forty wanks.

Police in Liverpool pulled over a local lad and were amazed to find the car taxed M.O.T. tested and insured.

It wasn't stolen and there were no stolen goods or drugs found.

The driver was sober AND He had a full licence and no points.

A police spokesman said, "We had no option but to fine him £80 for wasting police time."

I know this is futile because there is no one on this site and its understandable but if just the one person gets a smile at these crap jokes then it's worth it.

LeftfootlegendGooner wrote: ↑

Wed Mar 18, 2020 9:05 pm

I'm worried something might be wrong with my testicles.

One seems bigger than the others.

My pick of the bunch lefty - cheers mate, we all need a bit of humour (and tits) at times like these