I called up the doctor and said, "Doctor, my wife is going into labour and her contractions are coming really fast!
What should I do?"
"Is this her first child?" he asked.
"No, this is her husband."
Search found 10364 matches
- Mon Apr 22, 2024 6:05 pm
- Forum: The Cannonballs
- Topic: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
- Replies: 3318
- Views: 705849
- Mon Apr 22, 2024 6:04 pm
- Forum: The Cannonballs
- Topic: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
- Replies: 3318
- Views: 705849
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
My wife left me because of my insecurities.
No wait, she's back.
She just went to make a cup of tea.
No wait, she's back.
She just went to make a cup of tea.
- Mon Apr 22, 2024 6:03 pm
- Forum: The Cannonballs
- Topic: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
- Replies: 3318
- Views: 705849
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
I'm worried something might be wrong with my testicles.
One seems bigger than the others.
One seems bigger than the others.
- Mon Apr 22, 2024 6:01 pm
- Forum: The Cannonballs
- Topic: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
- Replies: 3318
- Views: 705849
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
A police officer called the station on his radio.
"I need back up here. An old lady shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped."
"Have you arrested the woman?"
"Not yet"
"Why not"
"The floor's still wet."
"I need back up here. An old lady shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped."
"Have you arrested the woman?"
"Not yet"
"Why not"
"The floor's still wet."
- Mon Apr 22, 2024 5:24 pm
- Forum: On the Terraces
- Topic: Modern Football Bol**cks
- Replies: 3337
- Views: 740680
Re: Modern Football Bol**cks
When did it become the norm for broadcasters to apologies for ‘unsavoury’ language from the crowd? What kind of soppy cuńt gets offended by swearing from/during a football game? :lol: :D time is coming when you will be reported for swearing by someone (anomously) sitting near you via text and next ...
- Sun Apr 21, 2024 4:11 pm
- Forum: On the Terraces
- Topic: other matches this weekend
- Replies: 13996
- Views: 1273542
Re: other matches this weekend
Comedy Iwobi with the assist for the victims opener. Useless fucking c.unt :twisted: Mate I was about to post that he makes me feel nervous for Fulham when he's on the ball let alone when he played for us, he should have chased back but lies there expecting a foul, honestly how is he still in the PL.
- Sat Apr 20, 2024 6:25 pm
- Forum: The Cannonballs
- Topic: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
- Replies: 3318
- Views: 705849
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
I've been paying £2 a month to the Cats Protection League for over a year.
I missed 2 payments and they've just been round and broken my cat’s legs.
I missed 2 payments and they've just been round and broken my cat’s legs.
- Sat Apr 20, 2024 6:22 pm
- Forum: The Cannonballs
- Topic: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
- Replies: 3318
- Views: 705849
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
I phoned my wife earlier and asked her if she wanted me to pick up fish and chips on my way home from work but she just grunted at me.
I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.
I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.
- Sat Apr 20, 2024 6:21 pm
- Forum: The Cannonballs
- Topic: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
- Replies: 3318
- Views: 705849
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
What's the Difference between Red & Green?
Fuck all apparently if you’re on a bike.
Fuck all apparently if you’re on a bike.
- Sat Apr 20, 2024 6:21 pm
- Forum: The Cannonballs
- Topic: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
- Replies: 3318
- Views: 705849
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
I went to the zoo yesterday and saw a baguette in a cage.
The zoo keeper told me it was bread in captivity
The zoo keeper told me it was bread in captivity
- Sat Apr 20, 2024 6:21 pm
- Forum: The Cannonballs
- Topic: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
- Replies: 3318
- Views: 705849
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
My kids keep on taking the piss out my alzheimers.
Wait till the cheeky little buggers wake up on Christmas morning and find no eggs under the bonfire
Wait till the cheeky little buggers wake up on Christmas morning and find no eggs under the bonfire
- Sat Apr 20, 2024 6:20 pm
- Forum: The Cannonballs
- Topic: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
- Replies: 3318
- Views: 705849
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
The police phoned me to tell me my wife was in hospital.
"How is she?" I asked. "Very critical," replied the officer. "What's she fucking complaining about now?" I said.
"How is she?" I asked. "Very critical," replied the officer. "What's she fucking complaining about now?" I said.
- Sat Apr 20, 2024 6:20 pm
- Forum: The Cannonballs
- Topic: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
- Replies: 3318
- Views: 705849
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Bloody Foreigner. Coming over here demanding to know what love is.
- Sat Apr 20, 2024 6:20 pm
- Forum: The Cannonballs
- Topic: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
- Replies: 3318
- Views: 705849
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
I was in the kitchen when a flying insect came through the window and exploded. I think it was a jihaddy longlegs.
- Sat Apr 20, 2024 6:19 pm
- Forum: The Cannonballs
- Topic: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
- Replies: 3318
- Views: 705849
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
I went on a date with a blonde woman last night.
"Do you have any kids?" she asked. "Yes," I replied. "I have one child that's just under two." She said, "I might be blonde, but I know how many one is."
"Do you have any kids?" she asked. "Yes," I replied. "I have one child that's just under two." She said, "I might be blonde, but I know how many one is."