Official Weekly joke thread...

As we're unlikely to see terraces again at football, this is the virtual equivalent where you can chat to your hearts content about all football matters and, obviously, Arsenal in particular. This forum encourages all Gooners to visit and contribute so please keep it respectful, clean and topical.
User avatar
DB10GOONER
Posts: 59314
Joined: Tue Jan 16, 2007 2:06 pm
Location: Dublin, Ireland.
Contact:

Official Weekly joke thread...

Post by DB10GOONER »

There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money.

Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the 'after-life' with me."

And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.

Well, he died.... He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait, just a minute!"

She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket.

Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.

Her friend said, "I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there in the casket with your husband!"

The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him."

"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him !?"

"I sure did," said the wife. "I got all the money together, put it into my account and wrote him a cheque. If he can cash it, he can spend it."

:wink:
Last edited by DB10GOONER on Wed May 27, 2009 1:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.

User avatar
Eboue-Why?
Posts: 4216
Joined: Fri Mar 21, 2008 6:26 pm
Location: Sunny Surrey

Post by Eboue-Why? »

Was reading in the papers yesterday that Arsenal have been caught up in all the uproar about MP's expenses.
Yeah, apparently we've been claiming for silver polish since 2005...


:oops: :oops:

User avatar
REB
Posts: 23421
Joined: Thu Jun 28, 2007 1:40 pm
Location: twitter... @reb1886

Post by REB »

Carlsberg don’t do Alzheimer’s.

Just exceedingly good cakes.

User avatar
DB10GOONER
Posts: 59314
Joined: Tue Jan 16, 2007 2:06 pm
Location: Dublin, Ireland.
Contact:

Post by DB10GOONER »

A mother took her five-year-old son with her to the bank on a busy lunchtime. They got behind a very fat woman wearing a business suit complete with pager. After waiting patiently for a few minutes, the little boy said loudly, "Wow, she's fat!â€

User avatar
DB10GOONER
Posts: 59314
Joined: Tue Jan 16, 2007 2:06 pm
Location: Dublin, Ireland.
Contact:

Post by DB10GOONER »

Don't know if this is just a sick coincidence but ...


2007 - Chinese year of the Chicken - Bird Flu Pandemic devastates parts of Asia

2008 - Chinese year of the Horse - Equine Influenza decimates Australian racing

2009 - Chinese year of the Pig - Swine Flu Pandemic kills hundreds of pigs around the globe.


It gets worse ...

next year ...


2010 - Chinese year of the Cock - what could possibly go wrong?

:shock:

:lol: :wink:

User avatar
Eboue-Why?
Posts: 4216
Joined: Fri Mar 21, 2008 6:26 pm
Location: Sunny Surrey

Post by Eboue-Why? »

Just received a classic by text regarding Shearer but it also involves the words Ian Huntly so maybe it shouldn't be posted!!

User avatar
DB10GOONER
Posts: 59314
Joined: Tue Jan 16, 2007 2:06 pm
Location: Dublin, Ireland.
Contact:

Post by DB10GOONER »

Eboue-Why? wrote:Just received a classic by text regarding Shearer but it also involves the words Ian Huntly so maybe it shouldn't be posted!!
Post it, and if it's way too OTT we can delete it... go on... post it... :lol: :wink:

User avatar
Eboue-Why?
Posts: 4216
Joined: Fri Mar 21, 2008 6:26 pm
Location: Sunny Surrey

Post by Eboue-Why? »

Shearer, possibly the worst caretaker since Ian Huntly

(Apologies)

pixie
Posts: 1753
Joined: Sun Feb 03, 2008 1:17 am
Location: 16.28 miles from Ashburton Grove

Post by pixie »

That jokes been around a while tbh.

User avatar
Eboue-Why?
Posts: 4216
Joined: Fri Mar 21, 2008 6:26 pm
Location: Sunny Surrey

Post by Eboue-Why? »

pixie wrote:That jokes been around a while tbh.
Oh that's it, go and spoil it for me you miserable bugger!!

User avatar
REB
Posts: 23421
Joined: Thu Jun 28, 2007 1:40 pm
Location: twitter... @reb1886

Post by REB »

Did the mermaid invent the titwank?

pixie
Posts: 1753
Joined: Sun Feb 03, 2008 1:17 am
Location: 16.28 miles from Ashburton Grove

Post by pixie »

I've got one of those Sat Navs that you can programme to speak with a regional accent.
So tonight I programmed in "Geordie" and the first thing it said was; "Haway, man! Where the fuck's Scunthorpe?"

User avatar
DB10GOONER
Posts: 59314
Joined: Tue Jan 16, 2007 2:06 pm
Location: Dublin, Ireland.
Contact:

Post by DB10GOONER »

Eboue-Why? wrote:Shearer, possibly the worst caretaker since Ian Huntly

(Apologies)
:lol: :lol: :lol:

An oldy but a goldy! 8)

User avatar
Eboue-Why?
Posts: 4216
Joined: Fri Mar 21, 2008 6:26 pm
Location: Sunny Surrey

Post by Eboue-Why? »

DB10GOONER wrote:
Eboue-Why? wrote:Shearer, possibly the worst caretaker since Ian Huntly

(Apologies)
:lol: :lol: :lol:

An oldy but a goldy! 8)
Bollocks, I thought it was a new one. Hadn't realised it was an old one with the name replaced! So much for the big build up I gave it!!

User avatar
Sutch
Posts: 2530
Joined: Wed Jan 23, 2008 4:04 pm
Location: Hertfordshire

Post by Sutch »

Image

Post Reply