The Official (Clive) Xhakatard is a useless crunt thread

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OneBardGooner
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Re: The Official Xhakatard is a useless crunt thread

Post by OneBardGooner »

WOW! Just Look at the Technique there!


Image

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Re: The Official Xhakatard is a useless crunt thread

Post by DB10GOONER »

OneBardGooner wrote:
Sun Mar 28, 2021 8:48 pm
WOW! Just Look at the Technique there!


Image
Simply stunning technique. Reminiscent of Henry's look one way pass the ball the other way trick. :barscarf:

This fucking guy deserves a caption competition!

I'm gonna do it. :barscarf:

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Re: The Official Xhakatard is a useless crunt thread

Post by GoonerMuzz »

Allegedly, in Swahili, Granit Xhaka means "God's gift to football", or so I have been told :rubchin:

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Re: The Official Xhakatard is a useless crunt thread

Post by OneBardGooner »

GoonerMuzz wrote:
Mon Mar 29, 2021 10:30 am
Allegedly, in Swahili, Granit Xhaka means "God's gift to football", or so I have been told :rubchin:

:rubchin:

I think it can also be translated as either of the following 3 options:

Gods gift for Golf



BIGGEST Cuntt on the planet


or

Right utter twat who knows not ow to pass the ball forward.


:wink:

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Re: The Official Xhakatard is a useless crunt thread

Post by OneBardGooner »

Apparently he also SHOUTS a lot... :roll:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fBGhaURNrCk

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Re: The Official Xhakatard is a useless crunt thread

Post by DB10GOONER »

OneBardGooner wrote:
Tue Apr 13, 2021 1:44 pm
Apparently he also SHOUTS a lot... :roll:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fBGhaURNrCk
Fuck me sideways. DO NOT read the comments section under that video or you will vomit your eyeballs out through your own arsehole. :x :oops: :twisted:

So many of our fans are just absolute gimps. They are hoodwinked by this complete bluffer of a foobler. Modern Arsenal... Where the most useless cùnt we have is the loudest, so gets hailed as the best. :roll:

Actually that clip reminds me of something. I think I have a new name for Xhakatard...

Clive.

Bear with me... in my old weekly five a side game we had a guy called "Clive" playing. He only got in because he was mates with one of the organisers. It was a great game and everyone could play a bit.... except Clive. But Clive was the loudest fucker on that pitch.

All the way through the hour you'd hear variations of: "Clive's ball! Go left, go left! To Clive, to Clive! John go back! Dave to me! To me!"

Everyone hated the plank. One night one of the lads finally lost it and stopped, picked up the ball, and yelled at Clive (word for word): "Clive! You are by far the worst player down here so can you shut the fuck up?!" :lol:

Clive. :censored:

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Re: The Official Xhakatard is a useless crunt thread

Post by OneBardGooner »

DB10GOONER wrote:
Tue Apr 13, 2021 2:31 pm
OneBardGooner wrote:
Tue Apr 13, 2021 1:44 pm
Apparently he also SHOUTS a lot... :roll:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fBGhaURNrCk
Fuck me sideways. DO NOT read the comments section under that video or you will vomit your eyeballs out through your own arsehole. :x :oops: :twisted:

So many of our fans are just absolute gimps. They are hoodwinked by this complete bluffer of a foobler. Modern Arsenal... Where the most useless cùnt we have is the loudest, so gets hailed as the best. :roll:

Actually that clip reminds me of something. I think I have a new name for Xhakatard...

Clive.

Bear with me... in my old weekly five a side game we had a guy called "Clive" playing. He only got in because he was mates with one of the organisers. It was a great game and everyone could play a bit.... except Clive. But Clive was the loudest fucker on that pitch.

All the way through the hour you'd hear variations of: "Clive's ball! Go left, go left! To Clive, to Clive! John go back! Dave to me! To me!"

Everyone hated the plank. One night one of the lads finally lost it and stopped, picked up the ball, and yelled at Clive (word for word): "Clive! You are by far the worst player down here so can you shut the fuck up?!" :lol:

Clive. :censored:

:lol: :lol: :lol:


Sorry mate - I knowww I thought wait till the Gooners on the forum see this priceless ickle gem (aka Utter piece of Bollox)

So you had one too!??

Yours was called Clive - ours was called Barry. Not only was he an utterly useless gimp and yep! The loudest watt on the pitch... but he also knew EVERYTHING there was to know about Any and Everything...

We were all out on our Xmas do and we actually changed the night so that hopefully he would miss it...till some dumbCunt accidentally told his sister :roll: :roll: :roll:


He would think he was being 'Clever' and when you were chatting up a bird - he would come steam rolling on and being a prat - spoil the whole thing...

He did it to Sammy - who besides being a decent mid-fielder was well into his Tae Kwondo. and he had been trying to get off with this stunning chick for months and Finally he manages to get her away from the "Girls" and on her own. ...and they are getting on like the proverbial house on fire - when in blunders Barry and actually Sits Between Them as if to say Okay I'm here you can fuckOff Sam, the girl actually moves forward to look around Barry and continue the conversation... so Barry starts talking his usual bollocks and puts his arms around her shoulders...

Next thing you know Sam says Barry!!!? Barry!?? Stand Up..

As he does with that stupid as shyte grin on his chops so Sam does the most amazing Round House on him and Cleans the fuckker OUT!

No one did a thing, though quite a few of us did applaud - the girl stepped over him as did everyone else till 2 bouncers came and dragged his unconscious corpse away


He was voted OUT! at the next training session and told in no uncertain terms .

FUCKOff or DIE!

Anyway Xhaka reminds me of Barry. :D

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Re: The Official (Clive) Xhakatard is a useless crunt thread

Post by GoonerMuzz »

Is it possible we are actually wrong about Xhaka, I mean his shouting and pointing are, well, on point :rubchin:

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Re: The Official (Clive) Xhakatard is a useless crunt thread

Post by DB10GOONER »

GoonerMuzz wrote:
Wed Apr 14, 2021 11:55 am
Is it possible we are actually wrong about Xhaka, I mean his shouting and pointing are, well, on point :rubchin:
:lol: :lol:

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Re: The Official (Clive) Xhakatard is a useless crunt thread

Post by OneBardGooner »

GoonerMuzz wrote:
Wed Apr 14, 2021 11:55 am
Is it possible we are actually wrong about Xhaka, I mean his shouting and pointing are, well, on point :rubchin:




:rubchin: :rubchin: :rubchin:

You know you just might have something...

He can SHOUT in one direction whilst simultaneously pointing in another..

I mean ... :shock:


:rubchin: :rubchin: :rubchin:


Naaah! He's a useless Turdslop .

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Re: The Official (Clive) Xhakatard is a useless crunt thread

Post by GoonerMuzz »

Agreed OBG :barscarf:

One thing I am confused about though is why so many fans, ex-players, pundits and journalists rate him, WTF have they been watching for the last 5 years...... add in so many Managers and coaches who have played him consistently and finally that according to reports yesterday some fans are now calling for him to be made Captain again (I would link but I'm tablet illiterate) and I am genuinely beginning to doubt all of us on here :banghead:

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Re: The Official Xhakatard is a useless crunt thread

Post by Retro Gunner »

Clash wrote:
Sun Mar 07, 2021 5:05 pm
This :censored: is definitely the worst player I’ve seen at the club ... taking everything into account i.e. price tag, age, number of appearances, etc.

As well as being thick as pig shit, Xhaka has some really childish traits too. Petulance, rashness, sulking when criticised. Also his technique (or lack of it) is seriously under-developed for a so-called professional. He has this dreadful habit of looking down at the ball before he kicks it. That’s why his vision and creativity is so poor.

The best players do not need to look down at the ball, they know where it is. When did you ever see the Master, Dennis Bergkamp, look down at the ball before he passed it? Never! Play with your head up and see what’s happening.

With yesterday’s diabolical error, Xhaka actually does look up to the Burnley player, but then looks down at the ball again before kicking it. Just like a schoolboy.

As for blaming Leno - he didn’t help but there was nothing to stop Xhaka playing it out wide first time or playing it back to Leno to clear. Blaming Leno just lets this moronic Swiss :censored: off too lightly. He deserves no hiding place.

Xhaka has no redeeming qualities on or off the pitch. None. He’s a complete liability and his presence in our team is an insult to everyone of us.


Been out of the loop on here for a while, so catching up on some of the threads. I couldn't allow a Xhaka thread to go by without a comment. Worst player I've ever seen in an Arsenal jersey and I've seen very many and plenty of them very poor, but club foot is out on his own.

Top notch post from Clash highlighting Xhaka's technical deficiencies. He doesn't even kick the ball normally...he swings his whole leg at it in a stiff-legged manner. The mystery as to how this mug ever made it as a professional footballer is only exceeded by the mystery of exactly what Wenger, Emery and Arteta have seen in him. It's way beyond me.

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Re: The Official Xhakatard is a useless crunt thread

Post by Retro Gunner »

DB10GOONER wrote:
Mon Mar 15, 2021 3:51 pm
Not sure where this "Xhakatard played well" thing came from. Let's qualify that. He did nothing beyond the most basic minimum requirement of a professional footballer. Yes he wasn't as completely shit as he usually is.... and yes he actually found a few team mates with simple passes.... but is that enough to say "he played well"?

Not for me.

Let's not gloss over the amount of stray passes he had yet again, the giving away of stupid unnecessary free kicks in dangerous areas again, the bullshit bluffer pointing every ten seconds horseshit again.

Have we become so demoralised and beaten down by this club that we now view anyone that doesn't cost us a game as having done quite well? :oops:

Credit where credit is due and all that but honestly do we give credit to this spoiled obnoxious millionaire for getting a couple of the simplest things right for once? :roll:

This is spot on. The bar for this duffer has been set so low, that managing to negotiate a large part of the game by completing a few basic passes and without dropping us in the crap, is seen as sufficient and even a roaring success. :roll:

We can judge others on what they create, whether they score, if they make challenges, interceptions and last ditch, goal saving tackles, but for dear old Granit, simply completing a five yard pass without giving the ball away and not causing chaos in our own defensive third, is more than enough for the "played well" plaudit.

In Xhaka world, "played well" actually means "wasn't quite as pony as usual".

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Re: The Official (Clive) Xhakatard is a useless crunt thread

Post by Nick Bendtners Ego »

Might I invite you all on a trip back in time. A time when darkness pervaded the Grove and Lord Wenger of Arsenal still presided over his failing dynasty. A time when Granit Xhaka being a relative novelty and yet to stink the place out (More about that in a bit!) was serving perhaps a suspension (no doubt for a braindead needless indiscretion ) or nursing an injury joined the away fans on the terraces. Those were the halcyon days. The days a lot of us thought maybe he was a baller. That day, fans actually thought he was one of our own. In fact he was hailed as such on here, hailed not for his footballing attributes but for his ........Aftershave!!! I remember the post vaguely but yes, one of you guys , lamented how he "reeked of class" ....or something to that effect!!! A man crush description of epic proportions ensued and blushing online gooners looked away from screens as they felt they were intruding on Forbidden love! Now who amongst you will hold their hands up to swooning to 'Eau du Granit'!? Who was it that buckled at their knees once down wind of his Albanian Swiss manliness? :lol: In my best Xhakatard pointing impression , for some reason I think it was NutFlush :lol: That said, If my once great memory is wrong I will stand you a pint (And a Cologne ) and apologise! Would he get away with it now ? Would he feel comfortable mingling with the masses ? Not a f**king chance. No doubt he'd smell as shit as most of his performances as he emptied himself whilst standing with fans with painful memories . ' Eau du Clusterfuck' The mark of this man.

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Re: The Official (Clive) Xhakatard is a useless crunt thread

Post by DB10GOONER »

Nick Bendtners Ego wrote:
Thu Apr 15, 2021 3:04 pm
Might I invite you all on a trip back in time. A time when darkness pervaded the Grove and Lord Wenger of Arsenal still presided over his failing dynasty. A time when Granit Xhaka being a relative novelty and yet to stink the place out (More about that in a bit!) was serving perhaps a suspension (no doubt for a braindead needless indiscretion ) or nursing an injury joined the away fans on the terraces. Those were the halcyon days. The days a lot of us thought maybe he was a baller. That day, fans actually thought he was one of our own. In fact he was hailed as such on here, hailed not for his footballing attributes but for his ........Aftershave!!! I remember the post vaguely but yes, one of you guys , lamented how he "reeked of class" ....or something to that effect!!! A man crush description of epic proportions ensued and blushing online gooners looked away from screens as they felt they were intruding on Forbidden love! Now who amongst you will hold their hands up to swooning to 'Eau du Granit'!? Who was it that buckled at their knees once down wind of his Albanian Swiss manliness? :lol: In my best Xhakatard pointing impression , for some reason I think it was NutFlush :lol: That said, If my once great memory is wrong I will stand you a pint (And a Cologne ) and apologise! Would he get away with it now ? Would he feel comfortable mingling with the masses ? Not a f**king chance. No doubt he'd smell as shit as most of his performances as he emptied himself whilst standing with fans with painful memories . ' Eau du Clusterfuck' The mark of this man.
:lol: :lol:

I do not remember that thread tbh but then I'm now paying the price of all the dodgy drugs I took in my twenties and a couple decades of solid pissheadary. :lol: :wink:

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