An Irish family have frozen to death outside a theatre in Dublin. They had been queuing for 3 weeks to see 'Closed For The Winter'.
Paddy takes his new wife home on his wedding night.
She lies on the bed, spread-eagled, naked, and says, "Paddy....you know what I want....."
"Yeah....the whole fucking bed by the looks of it!"
An Irishman staggers out of the pub one night, unzips his flies and starts pissing into the town fountain. A copper walks past and says, "stop that, and put it away."
The Irishman shoves his cock back in his trousers and zips up. The copper is about to move on when the man starts laughing.
"What's so funny?" asked the cop.
"Fooled you," says the Irishman, "I may have put it away but I didn't stop."
I've just seen Irish Paddy in the local newsagent and one of his shoelaces was undone, so I said, "watch out you don't trip up over your laces, Paddy."
Paddy says, "yeah, it's these bloody instructions."
I said, "what instructions, Paddy?"
Paddy says, "underneath the shoe, it says 'Taiwan'."
Twenty three people have been found glued to the ceiling and walls of a train station in Dublin.
Police believe Irish muslims have set off the first NO MORE NAILS bomb!
An Irish farmer was in the pub talking to his mates about his animals. 'Loads of my sheep have got Blue Tongue apparantly,' he says. 'I didn't even know they had mobiles.
