LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

It's all a load of Cannonballs in here! This is the virtual Arsenal pub where you can chat about anything except football. Be warned though, like any pub, the content may not always be suitable for everyone.
LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

To be fair, some feminist comics have a lot of decent material....

Just a shame it’s covering their tits.

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

There are two different processes for our perception of sight: Colour and Shape.

Apparently men, have a faster sensory capability for shape than women and conversely women with colour over men. Amazing.

Along with muscle grouping and proteins this helps man to have an edge over women in sporting abilities, impressive reflexes and split second decisions,

by contrast colour helps women decide who's socks are who's when they come out of the wash.

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 12
One to screw it in, one to excoriate men for creating the need for illumination,
one to blame men for inventing such a faulty means of illumination,
one to suggest the whole "screwing" bit to be too "rape-like",
one to deconstruct the lightbulb itself as being phallic,
one to blame men for not changing the bulb,
one to blame men for trying to change the bulb instead of letting a woman do it,
one to blame men for creating a society that discourages women from changing light bulbs,
one to blame men for creating a society where women change too many light bulbs,
one to advocate that lightbulb changers should have wage parity with electricians,
one to alert the media that women are now "out-lightbulbing" men,
and one to just sit there taking pictures for her blog for photo-evidence that men are unnecessary.

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DB10GOONER
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by DB10GOONER »

LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:
Fri Feb 14, 2020 3:32 pm
How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 12
One to screw it in, one to excoriate men for creating the need for illumination,
one to blame men for inventing such a faulty means of illumination,
one to suggest the whole "screwing" bit to be too "rape-like",
one to deconstruct the lightbulb itself as being phallic,
one to blame men for not changing the bulb,
one to blame men for trying to change the bulb instead of letting a woman do it,
one to blame men for creating a society that discourages women from changing light bulbs,
one to blame men for creating a society where women change too many light bulbs,
one to advocate that lightbulb changers should have wage parity with electricians,
one to alert the media that women are now "out-lightbulbing" men,
and one to just sit there taking pictures for her blog for photo-evidence that men are unnecessary.
:lol: :lol: :lol:

Top work Lefty. :barscarf:

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DB10GOONER
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by DB10GOONER »

LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:
Fri Feb 14, 2020 1:46 pm
After living in the remote countryside of Ireland all his life, an old Irishman decided it was time to visit Dublin. In one of the stores he picks up a mirror and looks in it. Not ever having seen one before, he remarked at the image staring back at him. ‘How ’bout that!’ he exclaims, ‘Here’s a picture of me Fadder.’ He bought the mirror thinking it was a picture of his dad, but on the way home he remembered his wife didn’t like his father, so he hung it in the shed, and every morning before leaving to go fishin’, he would go there and look at it. His wife began to get suspicious of these many trips to the shed. So, one day after her husband left, she went to the shed and found the mirror.. As she looked into the glass, she fumed, ‘So that’s the ugly fookin' bitch he’s runnin’ around with.’
:lol: :lol: :shock:

But seriously you wait until sinn fein get into power here buddy you are going on the list. :lol: :wink:

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DB10GOONER
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by DB10GOONER »

(Still trying to find the offensive one that should be deleted) :D :wink:

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

DB10GOONER wrote:
Fri Feb 14, 2020 4:48 pm
(Still trying to find the offensive one that should be deleted) :D :wink:
Thought the drone one was a bit non PC but then again which one of these is :lol:

Jock Gooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by Jock Gooner »

LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:
Fri Feb 14, 2020 2:16 pm
The BBC have a new cooking show, hosted by women who have been victims of domestic violence.

It's called "Can't Cook? Right Hook!"
:lol:

Thought the drone gag might be 'the one' but it didn't push the boundaries quite far enough imo. If your going to piss off terrorists you might as well jump in with both feet :lol:

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

Yet another night where the innocent people of the UK had to suffer the dregs of humanity and their desperate actions.

And after Britain's Got Talent there was another terrorist attack.

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

"Allahu Akbar" means different things to different people.

To Muslims it means "God is great."

To Westerners it means "run like fuck."

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

Suspected Islamist terrorist runs over three cyclists in London.

Got mixed emotions about who I should be siding with here.

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

Is karate for amputees called partial arts.

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Bradywasking
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by Bradywasking »

Wife came home from work today and said " two of the girls in work has flowers delivered to them today for Valentine's Day , and they are gorgeous "....I explained
" and that is why they got flowers and you didn't "..

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

“ I’ve got good news and bad news”, the doctor said.

“ I’m afraid we’re going to have to amputate your leg”. “Fucking hell! What’s the good news?” I asked.

“See that young nurse over there with the big tits? I fucked her last night.”

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

Jokes about sugar are rare.

Jokes about brown sugar - Demerara.

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