LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

It's all a load of Cannonballs in here! This is the virtual Arsenal pub where you can chat about anything except football. Be warned though, like any pub, the content may not always be suitable for everyone.
LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 9093
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

If the Indian variant doesn't get named Vindaflu I'm giving up on humanity.

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 9093
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

France have lost more to Corona than on the WW2 battlefields.

Mind you they've lost more to hayfever than on WW2 battlefields.

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 9093
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

When we were kids, we played football on the shore at Beachy Head.

Ahh, the good old days, jumpers for goalposts.

User avatar
DB10GOONER
Posts: 52172
Joined: Tue Jan 16, 2007 2:06 pm
Location: Dublin, Ireland.
Contact:

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by DB10GOONER »

LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:
Tue Jul 27, 2021 8:39 pm
What's the difference between Ryan Giggs and a Tesla?

The Tesla gets fewer battery charges in a year.
:coffeespit:

Some top quality ones there Lefty but particularly love that one! :lol:

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 9093
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

New research shows porn gives young people an unrealistic and unhealthy idea of how quickly a plumber will come to your house.

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 9093
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

DB10GOONER wrote:
Wed Jul 28, 2021 6:55 am
LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:
Tue Jul 27, 2021 8:39 pm
What's the difference between Ryan Giggs and a Tesla?

The Tesla gets fewer battery charges in a year.
:coffeespit:

Some top quality ones there Lefty but particularly love that one! :lol:
:lol:

Thought that you would appreciate that one mate 8)

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 9093
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

Me : Can I borrow the new book about Cockney swearwords?

Librarian : You can't.

Me : Yeah, that's the one

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 9093
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

Anyone know a cure for sex addiction?

I've tried fucking everything.

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 9093
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

"What seems to be the problem?," asked the doc. "Well," I said, "the entrance to my arse is sore."

"That's probably because you call it the entrance," he replied.

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 9093
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

I successfully managed to get both my parents into the same Nursing home.

A bit of revenge for them divorcing when I was six.

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 9093
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

The fashion for shortening names of dishes like Spag Bol is probably why my Catalan Shitake Paella never took off

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 9093
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

Eight hours into the annual Gillette business strategy meeting...

"Fuck it... Let's just stick another blade on it."

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 9093
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

There is a way to put the genders into two categories in a way that does not exclude trans people etc

1. People stupid enough to believe in horoscope shite 2. Men

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 9093
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

I am trying to be more politically correct these days; the wife burnt the dinner, so I gave her an ‘eye of colour’

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 9093
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

Me: “Excuse me, are these ‘genetically modified’ carrots?”

Grocer: “No, why do you ask?”

Carrot: “Yeah, why do you ask?”

Post Reply