Friday Joke

It's all a load of Cannonballs in here! This is the virtual Arsenal pub where you can chat about anything except football. Be warned though, like any pub, the content may not always be suitable for everyone.
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I Hate Hleb
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Post by I Hate Hleb »

Postman wrote:The teacher asked if anyone in class could use the word incompletely in a sentence?
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Johnny stood up and said "When my balls touch my girlfriends asshole, I know I'm in-completely"
That's funny. :lol: However, I would have thought you could have come up with a knock-knock joke? :oops: :lol: :lol: :wink:

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OneBardGooner
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Post by OneBardGooner »

The Lone Ranger's Last Request


The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured
by an enemy Indian War Party.

The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, YOU are the great Lone Ranger"...

"In honor of the Harvest Festival,
YOU will be executed in three days."

"Before I kill you, I grant you three requests"

"What is your FIRST request?'

The Lone Ranger responds,
"I'd like to speak to my horse."

The Chief nods and Silver is brought
before the Lone Ranger who whispers in
Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away.

Later that evening, Silver returns with
a beautiful blonde woman on his back.

As the Indian Chief watches,
the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent
and spends the night.

The next morning the Indian Chief admits
he's impressed.
"You have a very fine and loyal horse",

"But I will still kill you in two days."


"What is your SECOND request?"

The Lone Ranger again asks to speak
to his horse.

Silver is brought to him,
and he again whispers in the horse's ear.

As before, Silver takes off and disappears
over the horizon.

Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise,
Silver again returns,
this time with a voluptuous brunette,
more attractive than the blonde. She enters the Lone Rangers tent
and spends the night.

The following morning the Indian Chief
is again impressed.
"You are indeed a man of many talents,"

"But I will still kill you tomorrow."

"What is your LAST request?"

The Lone Ranger responds,

"I'd like to speak to my horse...alone."

The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent.

Once they're alone,
the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears,
looks him square in the eye and says,


Listen Very Carefully!!!
FOR...THE...FUCKING....LAST...TIME !!!!

I SAID..."BRING POSSE!"

:D
Last edited by OneBardGooner on Sun May 31, 2009 2:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

pixie
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Post by pixie »

The only time politicians tell the truth is when they call each other liars.

pixie
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Post by pixie »

In 2001, Tottenham Hotspur took a 3-0 lead at half time at Old Trafford against Manchester United. At the full time whistle, Manchester United won the match 5-3.

Glenn Hoddle, the Tottenham manager at the time, said that the reason why Manchester United won was because Tottenham scored too many goals, and if they only scored two goals, United wouldn't of tried as hard, which means they wouldn't dominate.

Today Glenn, Tottenham only scored two goals, like you said they should of and they still end up conceding five.

Well done Glenn. You stupid *word censored*.

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olgitgooner
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Post by olgitgooner »

:D

mcdowell42
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Post by mcdowell42 »

During a companys recent IT audit it was found a blonde bird was using the password Mickey-Minnie-Pluto-Huey-Louie-Dewey-Donald-Goofy.
The software technician asked her why the password was so long.
Because it has to be at least 8 characters,she replied.

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OneBardGooner
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Post by OneBardGooner »

Bloke gets a job at a zoo

1st day they tell him to scrape the walls of the giant aqyarium - so he's hanging off a rope over the edge scraping away - when this nasty weird looking fish jumps out of the water and takes a chunk out of his arse......he carrie son scraping the walls, but now he's keeping an eye out for the fish....needless to say the fish comes around again and as it jumps out of the water to have another go at him - he swipes it with the scraper and kills it...he thinks oh fuck what'll I do now - so he grabs the fish and chucks it over the big railings into the Lions den and then munch it up - evidence destroyed.

2nd day - they tell him to sweep out and wash the floor in the Monkey house - so in he goes he's sweeping the florr and lo! and behold this chimp leaps on him and starts bitng him - fuck this he thinks and hits the chimp with with the shit shovel...but kills it - oh fuck - so he chucks the Monkey into the Lions den and sure enough they gobble it up in no time

3rd day - he's told to collect honey from the hives - But is warned to be careful as they're African Hornet bee's and can be well nasty - so he don's the suit and gear and starts collecting homey from the hives - But the bee's turn nasty and start stinging - and he can feel them getting through the layers of protection so he starts swiping away with a tang (used by bee keepers) and ends up kiliing hundreds of the fuckers - and there's this big pile of dead African bee'sAaaarrrgghh no - I'll defintiely get the sack this time...so he sccops them all up oin a shovel and chucks them over the fence into the Lion's den....

The next day a new Lion is introduced into the pride - and asks 'What's the food like in this gaff?'

The head lion walks up and says

'Well' it's usually a bit boring - the usual 3lb of dodgy meet each every 2 days, but there's this new bloke and so far this week we've had


Fish, Chimps and Mushy Bee's

:-P :oops:

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12thGooner
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Post by 12thGooner »


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OneBardGooner
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Post by OneBardGooner »

8) :D

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