When Insults Had Class.

northbankbren · Post by **northbankbren** » Thu Jun 04, 2009 5:01 pm

These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.

The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison."
He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.." - Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill -------- Winston Churchill, in response. "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." -

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it. " - Groucho Marx

Post by **g88ner** » Thu Jun 04, 2009 5:14 pm

Suprised this famous one wasn't there...

Bessie Braddock: â€œSir, you are drunk.â€

yourshighburylly · Post by **yourshighburylly** » Thu Jun 04, 2009 5:17 pm

Everyone thinks he has got the prettiest wife at home

I was going to watch the spurs game but I fell asleep

I did not see it

RNTGOONER · Post by **RNTGOONER** » Thu Jun 04, 2009 11:16 pm

"i blame eboue"

olgitgooner · Post by **olgitgooner** » Fri Jun 05, 2009 10:33 am

" I can't believe that, out of 10,000 sperm, YOU were the quickest."

- Steven Pearl

Post by **SPUDMASHER** » Fri Jun 05, 2009 10:39 am

This is one of the best I know. I'm not sure who said it but I think they were talking about Percy Dalton

"He's better at sex than anyone, now all he needs is a partner."

OneBardGooner · Post by **OneBardGooner** » Sat Jun 06, 2009 10:51 am

olgitgooner wrote:" I can't believe that, out of 10,000 sperm, YOU were the quickest."

- Steven Pearl

olgitgooner · Post by **olgitgooner** » Sun Jun 07, 2009 12:41 pm

Tony Cascarino, talking about Phil (the *word censored*) Brown, when went on the pitch and led the singing........

"Now I don't know the man but I have a sneaky feeling, from that performance, the tan, and the neatly trimmed goatie beard that if Brown was an icecream, he'd lick himself to death."