LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

It's all a load of Cannonballs in here! This is the virtual Arsenal pub where you can chat about anything except football. Be warned though, like any pub, the content may not always be suitable for everyone.
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OneBardGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by OneBardGooner »

If this thread continues in this fashion we're all screwed


:D

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OneBardGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by OneBardGooner »

I keep waiting for Allen to show up he's the Key to all this. :D

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Midz
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by Midz »

:D

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Postman
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by Postman »

The Pope was having a shower. Although he's very strict about celibacy, he occasionally felt he needed to exercise the papal wrist, and this happened to be one of those occasions. Just as he reached the Papal climax, he saw a photographer taking a picture of the Holy semen flying through the air. "Hold on a minute!" said the Pope, You can't do that - you'll destroy the reputation of the Church!". "This is my lottery win", said the photographer, "I'll be financially secure for life with these photos!" So, the Pope offered to buy the camera from the photographer, and after much negotiation, they eventually settled on a figure of $2,000,000. The Pope clothed himself and headed off to destroy the images on the camera. Along the vast Vatican hallways, he bumped into his personal housekeeper. Being a bit of a photography buff, she noticed the camera and said, "That looks like a really expensive digital SLR camera, how much did it cost you?" Not being one to lie, the Pope replied, "Two million Dollars.." "TWO MILLION Dollars!" replied the housekeeper, they must have seen you coming!!!!!

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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by DB10GOONER »

Midz wrote:
Mon Jun 07, 2021 7:06 pm
The pair of you are mad as a box of spanners! :D
:lol: :barscarf:

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OneBardGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by OneBardGooner »

It is something of a Wrench that no one else is joining in.

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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by DB10GOONER »

OneBardGooner wrote:
Tue Jun 08, 2021 7:21 pm
It is something of a Wrench that no one else is joining in.
I saw what you did there. :D

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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by OneBardGooner »

OneBardGooner wrote:
Mon Jun 07, 2021 4:27 pm
LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:
Mon Jun 07, 2021 11:10 am
I got a letter from Screw Fix Direct thanking me for my interest, but explaining they were not a dating agency
I saw that coming :D


That joke is quite a cut above the rest :D


Yup! You definitely nailed it there! :D


Plain to see why you have your own joke thread mate! :D
(Yes, I know it's spelt 'plane' but I'm on a roll here!) :D


Mitre been better telling another one! :D


Okay, okay I can't help it joist a moment :D


Anyway mate how are you coping ?



Well it's the same old drill :D


I'm just trying to keep the spirits on here level


The "saw' one was the very first one used mate... Tut Tut Tut! :lol:

So you had better Brace yourself for a few more :D


This really is developing into something of a Vice. :D

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OneBardGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by OneBardGooner »

Aaaah! Yer bunch of miserable fuckks come on join in or can't you Cope.

:D

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StuartL
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by StuartL »

OneBardGooner wrote:
Fri Jun 11, 2021 10:03 am
Aaaah! Yer bunch of miserable fuckks come on join in or can't you Cope.

:D
Errr wd40 … ?

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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by OneBardGooner »

StuartL wrote:
Fri Jun 11, 2021 5:22 pm
OneBardGooner wrote:
Fri Jun 11, 2021 10:03 am
Aaaah! Yer bunch of miserable fuckks come on join in or can't you Cope.

:D
Errr wd40 … ?
In that case this thread should be made a Sticky :D

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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by DB10GOONER »

StuartL wrote:
Fri Jun 11, 2021 5:22 pm
OneBardGooner wrote:
Fri Jun 11, 2021 10:03 am
Aaaah! Yer bunch of miserable fuckks come on join in or can't you Cope.

:D
Errr wd40 … ?
Um... Steel toe boots....?

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DB10GOONER
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by DB10GOONER »

Helmet.




:D

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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by OneBardGooner »

Tool Belts.

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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by Postman »

Sean Connery was interviewed by Michael Parkinson, and bragged that despite his 72 years of age, he could still have sex three times a night. Lulu, who was also a guest, looked intrigued:
After the show, Lulu said. "Sean, if Ah’m no bein too forward, Ah’d lovetae hae sex wi an aulder man. Let’s go back tae mah place."
So they go back to her place and have great sex. Afterwards, Sean says. "If you think that was good, let me shleep for half an hour, and we canhave even better shex. But while I’m shleeping, hold my baws in your left hand and my wulliein your right hand."
Lulu looks a bit perplexed, but says. "Okay." He sleeps for half an hour, awakens and they have even better sex.
Then Sean says. "Lulu, that was wonderful. But if you let me shleep for an hour, we can have the besht shex yet. But again, hold my baws in your left hand and my wullie in your right hand."
Lulu is now used to the routine and complies. The results are mind blowing.
Once it’s all over and the cigarettes are lit, Lulu asks. "Sean, tell me, dis mah haudin yer baws in mah left hand and yer wullie in mah right stimulate ye while ye’re sleepin?"
Sean replies. "No, but the lasht time I shlept with a Glashwegian, she shtole my wallet."

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