LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

It's all a load of Cannonballs in here! This is the virtual Arsenal pub where you can chat about anything except football. Be warned though, like any pub, the content may not always be suitable for everyone.
LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

Anyone know a cure for sex addiction?

I've tried fucking everything.

gazzatt2
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by gazzatt2 »

LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:
Mon Mar 01, 2021 1:15 pm
gazzatt2 wrote:
Tue Feb 16, 2021 5:45 am
Come on lefty need some jokes to cheer me up
Sorry Gazza only just seen this, don't know if they will cheer you up though :lol:
thats helped :D

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

I saw highlights of a Women's Basketball player who complained and wondered why she "isn't being paid equally with the men."

I had an idea why, as I saw the four fucking people in the empty stands.

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

Most of the attractive, single women I meet are divorced.

From reality.

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

gazzatt2 wrote:
Mon Mar 01, 2021 2:03 pm
LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:
Mon Mar 01, 2021 1:15 pm
gazzatt2 wrote:
Tue Feb 16, 2021 5:45 am
Come on lefty need some jokes to cheer me up
Sorry Gazza only just seen this, don't know if they will cheer you up though :lol:
thats helped :D
:barscarf:

Good mate

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DB10GOONER
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by DB10GOONER »

LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:
Mon Mar 01, 2021 1:06 pm
A teacher asks her class "can anyone tell me the name of Robin Hoods girlfriend?"

Little Paddy raises his hand and says "yes Miss, its Trudy Glen"

"No Paddy, the answer is Maid Marion"

"But Miss, what about the song?"

"Robin Hood Robin Hood riding Trudy Glen"

Sorry DB :oops:
:lol: :lol:

Uncanny accent mate. Uncanny. :lol: :wink:

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DB10GOONER
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by DB10GOONER »

LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:
Mon Mar 01, 2021 1:53 pm
The wife suggested if I was bored during lockdown, to make a bird table.

Now she's kicking off because I've only put her in fifth place..
:lol: :lol:

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

I was out with this bird the other night and we were dancing.

She said "Ooh you smell nice, what have you got on?"

I said "well I've got a hard on but I didn't know you could smell it"
Last edited by LeftfootlegendGooner on Thu Mar 18, 2021 8:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Postman
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by Postman »

A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for dinner. This is her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.
The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water.
Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty little fart. It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poot.
Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the women's feet, and said in a rather stern voice, "Ginger!"
The woman thought, "This is great!" and a big smile came across her face. A couple minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't hesitate. She let a much louder and longer fart rip.
The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "Dammit, Ginger!" Once again the woman smiled and thought, "Yes!"
A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip. This time she didn't even think about it. She let rip a fart that rivaled a motorbike starting up. Again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "Dammit, Ginger, get away from her before she shits on you!"

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Postman
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by Postman »

A German guy approaches a lady of the night.
'I vish to buy sex wit you.'
'OK,' says the girl, 'I charge 20 an hour.'
'..ist goot, but I must varn you, I am a little kinky.'
'No problem,' she replies cautiously, 'I can do little kinky.'
So off they go to the girl's flat, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller. 'I vant zat you tie ze springs to each of your hans und knees.' The girl finds this most odd, but complies, fastening the springs as he had said, to her hands and knees. 'Now you vill get on your hans und knees.'
She duly does this, balancing precariously on the springs.
'You vill please to blow zis kwacker as I make love to you.'
She finds it odd, but figures it's harmless (and the guy is paying.) She finds the sex is fantastic, as she is bounced all over the room by the energetic German, all the time honking on the duck caller.
The climax is the most sensational that she has ever experienced and it is several minutes before she has enough breath to say 'That was totally amazing, what do you call that position ?'
'Ah,' says the German 'dat is de Four-sprung Duck technique'

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OneBardGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by OneBardGooner »

LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:
Mon Mar 15, 2021 3:42 pm
I was out with this bird the other night and we were dancing.

She "Ooh you smell nice, what have you got on?"

I said "I've got a hard on but I didn't know you could smell it"
:lol: :lol:

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

Funny how suddenly there are only two genders when trying to get men put on a curfew

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

I’ve just raised £12,000 for the NHS.

I had to park my car overnight at the hospital.

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

The man who invented predictive text has just died.

May he rust in piss.

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DB10GOONER
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by DB10GOONER »

LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:
Sun Mar 28, 2021 10:54 am
The man who invented predictive text has just died.

May he rust in piss.
:lol: :lol:

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