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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Sat Apr 11, 2020 4:15 pm
by corkbarry1
When i was ten my my 14 year old brother told me the facts of life :rubchin:

A gang of us were gathered under an old oak tree,about 16 in total.
I said in another year or two our mikeys would get big an hard. This was passed around the group over and over when i heard one voice say
"Mine is big and hard now"
I shouted back "Fuck off Father Murpy, you shouldn't be here"


Later on i was explaining how to put it inside her when Alan Kelly started crying and mumbling.


"I don't like Cider"

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Sun May 10, 2020 3:44 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Save your wankk until 8pm on thursday so it sounds like the whole street is cheering you on .

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Sun May 10, 2020 3:45 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
A shop assistant fiercely fought off an armed robber with his labelling gun, yesterday.

Police are now looking for a man and say there's a price on his head

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Sun May 10, 2020 3:46 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
I hope the pubs open soon,

I need to cut down on my drinking.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Sun May 10, 2020 3:47 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
I walked into the bank yesterday, and the staff were all wearing masks.

Finally some honesty.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Sun May 10, 2020 3:57 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
If you want to save money this Christmas, now is the perfect time to tell the kids that Santa didn't make it through the pandemic.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Tue May 12, 2020 6:24 am
by DB10GOONER
LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:
Sun May 10, 2020 3:44 pm
Save your wankk until 8pm on thursday so it sounds like the whole street is cheering you on .
:coffeespit:

Some blinding covid jokes Lefty but that one in particular had me laughing out loud on my empty train to work. :lol: 8)

Hope all is good with you and yours mate. Stay safe. 8)

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Tue May 12, 2020 12:51 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
DB10GOONER wrote:
Tue May 12, 2020 6:24 am
LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:
Sun May 10, 2020 3:44 pm
Save your wankk until 8pm on thursday so it sounds like the whole street is cheering you on .
:coffeespit:

Some blinding covid jokes Lefty but that one in particular had me laughing out loud on my empty train to work. :lol: 8)

Hope all is good with you and yours mate. Stay safe. 8)
:lol:

Yes that one is funny as, my whattsapp group love it as I'm sure yours will too :lol:

The family and I are well thanks for asking, hoping all is well with you and your loved ones too mate.

Stay safe too buddy.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Wed May 20, 2020 11:23 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Not all fat people are jolly.

Some are feminists.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Wed May 20, 2020 11:26 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
A man in Saudi Arabia has been caught stealing hand sanitiser.

He won't need it now.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Wed May 20, 2020 11:28 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
When I was in school I got asked, "What is 3000 converted into Roman Numerals ?" I replied, "Mmm...."

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Wed May 20, 2020 11:28 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Only 35 more claps until Christmas.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Wed May 20, 2020 11:31 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Ryanair have said they will provide free compulsory face masks for their passengers.

The elastic that goes behind your ears will be 60 Euros.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Wed May 20, 2020 11:35 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
I see America has plans to save thousands more lives when the coronavirus lock down ends.

They're not opening the schools.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Wed May 20, 2020 11:37 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
I bought a fanny shaped Chinese vase at auction.

Apparently it's from the Minge Dynasty.