LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

It's all a load of Cannonballs in here! This is the virtual Arsenal pub where you can chat about anything except football. Be warned though, like any pub, the content may not always be suitable for everyone.
LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

Police are catching loads of Irish bank robbers today as staff are telling them they don't have to wear masks.

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

The worry for female athletes used to be: "will i be on my period during competition"

Now it's: "will my balls pop out of these skimpy shorts"

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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

Our English teacher came into the classroom and put a snake on his desk.

As we all crowded around to see it, he said, "This snake will help you to understand that using correct English is very important." "

Is it poisonous?" asked Mary.

"No," he replied.

Mary reached out to stroke it and was immediately bitten.

Within seconds she was spasming and foaming at the mouth.

"However, it is venomous," he said.

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

If you're ever attacked by a bear, simply lie down and play dead.

It's good practice for what's coming next

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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

Helium addiction is horrible because no one takes your cries for help seriously.

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OneBardGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by OneBardGooner »

:lol: :lol: :lol:

To all of the above - I needed a Bubble mate - so "Thank-You". :cheekkiss:

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

OneBardGooner wrote:
Tue Jan 25, 2022 7:07 pm
:lol: :lol: :lol:

To all of the above - I needed a Bubble mate - so "Thank-You". :cheekkiss:
You're welcome mate 8)

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Midz
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by Midz »

LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:
Tue Jan 25, 2022 11:45 am
"I want you to come over here and do me up the shitter," she demanded.

Even as I was unbuckling my belt I couldn't help thinking that Nan's dementia was definitely getting worse.
:D :D

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StuartL
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by StuartL »

Some belters in there lefty


Lefty is back, Lefty is back :barscarf: :barscarf:

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OneBardGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by OneBardGooner »

StuartL wrote:
Fri Jan 28, 2022 4:33 pm
Some belters in there lefty


Lefty is back, Lefty is back :barscarf: :barscarf:

Groan! :lol: :wink:


I was going to say your skills are Wa(i)sted Stuart ! :D :-P :wink:

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

StuartL wrote:
Fri Jan 28, 2022 4:33 pm
Some belters in there lefty


Lefty is back, Lefty is back :barscarf: :barscarf:
Cheers Stu, will try and get some on here every week :barscarf:

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StuartL
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by StuartL »

OneBardGooner wrote:
Fri Jan 28, 2022 5:01 pm
StuartL wrote:
Fri Jan 28, 2022 4:33 pm
Some belters in there lefty


Lefty is back, Lefty is back :barscarf: :barscarf:

Groan! :lol: :wink:


I was going to say your skills are Wa(i)sted Stuart ! :D :-P :wink:
Brace yourself then mate, best buckle up too :lol:

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OneBardGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by OneBardGooner »

StuartL wrote:
Fri Jan 28, 2022 7:55 pm
OneBardGooner wrote:
Fri Jan 28, 2022 5:01 pm
StuartL wrote:
Fri Jan 28, 2022 4:33 pm
Some belters in there lefty


Lefty is back, Lefty is back :barscarf: :barscarf:

Groan! :lol: :wink:


I was going to say your skills are Wa(i)sted Stuart ! :D :-P :wink:
Brace yourself then mate, best buckle up too :lol:

Oh! That's a 'Turn-Up' for the books! :lol:

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DB10GOONER
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by DB10GOONER »

LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:
Tue Jan 25, 2022 11:45 am
Police are catching loads of Irish bank robbers today as staff are telling them they don't have to wear masks.
:shock:

:coffeespit:

Some absolute gems in there Lefty! :lol: 8)

Thanks mate! :barscarf:

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DB10GOONER
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by DB10GOONER »

LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:
Tue Jan 25, 2022 11:41 am
And the results are in. 100% of women agree its not the size of the penis that matters.

It's the fact I'm at the school gates
:coffeespit:

This and the anal loving granny are my faves! :lol:

Literally! :shock:

:wink:

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