LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
A dwarf with a lisp goes into a stud farm.
"I'd like to buy a horth" he says to the owner of the farm. "What sort of horse?" said the owner. "A female horth" the dwarf replies.
So the owner shows him a mare. "Nithe horth." says the dwarf, "Can I thee her eyeth?"
So the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses eyes. "Nithe eyeth.", says the dwarf,
"Can I thee her teeth?" Again the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses teeth. "Nithe teeth.... can I see her eerth?" the dwarf says.
By now the owner is getting a little fed up but again, picks up the dwarf to show him the horses ears. "Nithe eerth". he says, Now...can I see her twot?"
With this the owner picks the dwarf up by the scruff of his neck and shoves his head deep in just under the horses tail. He holds him there for a couple of seconds before pulling him out and putting him down.
The dwarf shakes his head and says: "Perhaps I should weefwaze that...
Can I see her wun awound?"
"I'd like to buy a horth" he says to the owner of the farm. "What sort of horse?" said the owner. "A female horth" the dwarf replies.
So the owner shows him a mare. "Nithe horth." says the dwarf, "Can I thee her eyeth?"
So the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses eyes. "Nithe eyeth.", says the dwarf,
"Can I thee her teeth?" Again the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses teeth. "Nithe teeth.... can I see her eerth?" the dwarf says.
By now the owner is getting a little fed up but again, picks up the dwarf to show him the horses ears. "Nithe eerth". he says, Now...can I see her twot?"
With this the owner picks the dwarf up by the scruff of his neck and shoves his head deep in just under the horses tail. He holds him there for a couple of seconds before pulling him out and putting him down.
The dwarf shakes his head and says: "Perhaps I should weefwaze that...
Can I see her wun awound?"
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- Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere.
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every day.
One day he told her, "You have been with me through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there.
When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were there.
When we lost the house, you were there.
When my health started failing, you were there.
You know what?"
"What is it, dear?" she asked.
"I think you bring me bad luck."
One day he told her, "You have been with me through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there.
When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were there.
When we lost the house, you were there.
When my health started failing, you were there.
You know what?"
"What is it, dear?" she asked.
"I think you bring me bad luck."
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
My mate rang me and asked, "What're you doing at the moment?"
I said, "Probably failing my driving test."
I said, "Probably failing my driving test."
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
When I was a toddler, my parents would always say, "Excuse my French" just after a swear word.
I'll never forget the first day at school when my teacher asked if any of us knew any French.
I'll never forget the first day at school when my teacher asked if any of us knew any French.
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
During a funeral, the pallbearers accidentally bump into a wall and hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find out that the woman is actually alive.
She lives for 10 more years and then dies. There is another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket.
As they are walking out, the husband cries out, "Watch that Fukin wall!"
She lives for 10 more years and then dies. There is another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket.
As they are walking out, the husband cries out, "Watch that Fukin wall!"
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- Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
They say a woman's work is never done.
Maybe that's why they get paid less.
Maybe that's why they get paid less.
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
First woman on the Moon:
"Houston, we have a problem."
What?
"Never mind."
What's the problem?
"Nothing."
Please tell us.
"You know what the problem is."
"Houston, we have a problem."
What?
"Never mind."
What's the problem?
"Nothing."
Please tell us.
"You know what the problem is."
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Schizophrenia - together I can beat it.
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
My wife keeps dropping hints about a sexy gift she wants.
"It begins with 'D' and ends in 'O' .. and it fits snugly in there", she winked as she pointed suggestively at her crotch.
I said, "Where the fuck am I gonna find a didgeridoo?"
"It begins with 'D' and ends in 'O' .. and it fits snugly in there", she winked as she pointed suggestively at her crotch.
I said, "Where the fuck am I gonna find a didgeridoo?"
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
According to scientists there's a link between noise and obesity.
Probably the dinner bell.
Probably the dinner bell.
- OneBardGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
All Brilliant Lefty!!
Especially this one:
My wife keeps dropping hints about a sexy gift she wants.
"It begins with 'D' and ends in 'O' .. and it fits snugly in there", she winked as she pointed suggestively at her crotch.
I said, "Where the fuck am I gonna find a didgeridoo?"
- DB10GOONER
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- Contact:
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
LeftfootlegendGooner wrote: ↑Tue Apr 02, 2024 3:04 pmDuring a funeral, the pallbearers accidentally bump into a wall and hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find out that the woman is actually alive.
She lives for 10 more years and then dies. There is another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket.
As they are walking out, the husband cries out, "Watch that Fukin wall!"
- DB10GOONER
- Posts: 59570
- Joined: Tue Jan 16, 2007 2:06 pm
- Location: Dublin, Ireland.
- Contact:
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
LeftfootlegendGooner wrote: ↑Tue Apr 02, 2024 3:01 pmA dwarf with a lisp goes into a stud farm.
"I'd like to buy a horth" he says to the owner of the farm. "What sort of horse?" said the owner. "A female horth" the dwarf replies.
So the owner shows him a mare. "Nithe horth." says the dwarf, "Can I thee her eyeth?"
So the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses eyes. "Nithe eyeth.", says the dwarf,
"Can I thee her teeth?" Again the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses teeth. "Nithe teeth.... can I see her eerth?" the dwarf says.
By now the owner is getting a little fed up but again, picks up the dwarf to show him the horses ears. "Nithe eerth". he says, Now...can I see her twot?"
With this the owner picks the dwarf up by the scruff of his neck and shoves his head deep in just under the horses tail. He holds him there for a couple of seconds before pulling him out and putting him down.
The dwarf shakes his head and says: "Perhaps I should weefwaze that...
Can I see her wun awound?"
Ah good old Spudmasher.... you'd miss him around here....
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
My favourite nice work LeftyLeftfootlegendGooner wrote: ↑Tue Apr 02, 2024 3:04 pmDuring a funeral, the pallbearers accidentally bump into a wall and hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find out that the woman is actually alive.
She lives for 10 more years and then dies. There is another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket.
As they are walking out, the husband cries out, "Watch that Fukin wall!"