LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
-
- Posts: 10367
- Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
A woman says to her doctor doctor "I have two green marks on the inside of my thighs" The doctor had a look and said. "Is your boyfriend a Gypsy?"
I said "Yes, why?"
He said, "Tell him his earrings aren't real gold."
I said "Yes, why?"
He said, "Tell him his earrings aren't real gold."
-
- Posts: 10367
- Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
A mother takes her four year old daughter into the bank and the little girl goes up to the counter and says " as I now have a job I would like to open a bank account" the manager replies oh what sort of a job do you have?" The little girl replies " I have a job on a building site" the mother explains that they have builders working on land at the bottom of their garden and the builders have taken a shine to her daughter and let her turn the hose on and off and as she has been so helpful have given her a proper pay packet. " well that's wonderful says the bank manager it's so good to work hard and receive a pay packet, are you working next week?"
" yes says the little girl, if those cunnts from Jewson deliver the fucking bricks on time."
" yes says the little girl, if those cunnts from Jewson deliver the fucking bricks on time."
-
- Posts: 10367
- Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
I had a dream I was swimming in a giant ocean of orange soda.
Turned out to be a Fanta sea.
Turned out to be a Fanta sea.
-
- Posts: 10367
- Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Phoned the Tinnitus helpline earlier but it just kept ringing...
-
- Posts: 10367
- Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
To the Scumbag that stole 300 cans of RedBull from my shop.
I don't know how you can sleep at night.
I don't know how you can sleep at night.
-
- Posts: 10367
- Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
I said to the wife 'I've got a problem.'
She replied 'No, we have a problem, we're a couple, we're married, we're a unit, your problem is my problem we're in this together.'
Overwhelmed with relief I said 'its hardly worth mentioning now.'
But she was insistent on knowing, 'what is the problem?'
I then had to explain to her that 'we have got your sister pregnant!.'
She replied 'No, we have a problem, we're a couple, we're married, we're a unit, your problem is my problem we're in this together.'
Overwhelmed with relief I said 'its hardly worth mentioning now.'
But she was insistent on knowing, 'what is the problem?'
I then had to explain to her that 'we have got your sister pregnant!.'
-
- Posts: 10367
- Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Feminists just want to be treated equally
To the pretty ones.
To the pretty ones.
-
- Posts: 10367
- Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
It's only my second day in prison, and I've already been brutally bummed in the showers three times.
I'm starting to think maybe I'm not cut out to be a guard.
I'm starting to think maybe I'm not cut out to be a guard.
-
- Posts: 10367
- Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
An Essex girl gets knocked off her bike and takes a nasty whack to the head.
A paramedic rushes over to check her for injuries.
"How many fingers have I got up?"
She suddenly bursts into tears.
"Fuck me, I'm a paralysed from the waist down, I can't feel any"
A paramedic rushes over to check her for injuries.
"How many fingers have I got up?"
She suddenly bursts into tears.
"Fuck me, I'm a paralysed from the waist down, I can't feel any"
-
- Posts: 10367
- Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Just before I die, I am going to swallow a bag of Popcorn Kernels.
My cremation is going to be epic.
My cremation is going to be epic.
- OneBardGooner
- Posts: 43237
- Joined: Sat Apr 04, 2009 9:41 am
- Location: Close To The Edge
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
.. Read this one 5 minutes ago and I'm still laughing tears in my eyes ... Oh! My feckin' ribs!LeftfootlegendGooner wrote: ↑Wed Apr 24, 2024 4:57 pmA woman says to her doctor doctor "I have two green marks on the inside of my thighs" The doctor had a look and said. "Is your boyfriend a Gypsy?"
I said "Yes, why?"
He said, "Tell him his earrings aren't real gold."
- OneBardGooner
- Posts: 43237
- Joined: Sat Apr 04, 2009 9:41 am
- Location: Close To The Edge
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
And this one... I've had to stop to take a breather!LeftfootlegendGooner wrote: ↑Thu Apr 25, 2024 10:37 amAn Essex girl gets knocked off her bike and takes a nasty whack to the head.
A paramedic rushes over to check her for injuries.
"How many fingers have I got up?"
She suddenly bursts into tears.
"Fuck me, I'm a paralysed from the waist down, I can't feel any"
-
- Posts: 10367
- Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
A bloke walks into a pub and sees three men and a dog playing poker.
He says to the landlord "Fuck me, that must be one clever dog"
"Not really" said the landlord,
"Every time he gets a good hand his fucking tail starts wagging"
He says to the landlord "Fuck me, that must be one clever dog"
"Not really" said the landlord,
"Every time he gets a good hand his fucking tail starts wagging"
-
- Posts: 10367
- Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
When I was in the pub last night I overheard a couple of dickheads saying that they wouldn't feel safe on an aircraft if they knew the pilot was a woman!
What a pair of sexist twats. I mean, it's not as if she'd have to reverse the fucking thing!
What a pair of sexist twats. I mean, it's not as if she'd have to reverse the fucking thing!
-
- Posts: 10367
- Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Las Vegas and Scunthorpe:- the only two places in the world where you can pay for sex with chips....