LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

[OneBardGooner]

My wife called me a sex machine yesterday.

Actually she called me 'A fucking tool', but i know what she meant

That is so a Blokes Joke!.

Brilliant! ....

[OneBardGooner]

Come On Lefty Where's You At!?





DOH! On the cricket pitch! - Should have Guessed...


In the mean-time a Frankie Boyle Special (Netflix I think?) Now on You Tube... 1 Hour+

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V3mvzojf1eU

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

There was a woman selling batteries down the park

She sells C cells by the seesaw...

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

I wonder who'll die first, Anne or Camilla?

Either way it's a two horse race

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

I started a support group for survivors of Female Genital Mutilation, but no-one could come.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

If you think about it, the song Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves is just about gypsies.

[OneBardGooner]

Yo! Lefty! (To be said in a Rocky Balboa type voice!)

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

My mate asked 'if you could only ***** one more time ever, who would you do it to?'

I said 'probably myself'

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

Laptop speakers!..too quiet for music..too loud for porn!

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

I like Freudian slips as much as the next gay.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

Car adverts seriously overestimate how much time I spend driving around in the desert!

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

When I applied for shift work, I didn't realise the "F" was silent.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

Whenever I talk about rim jobs, it's just tongue in cheek.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

I’ve decided to dress as a different bread everyday next week.

Roll on Monday.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

Large crystal ball for sale. Only £50, but you will haggle me down and buy it for 35.