LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

I've just invented an Invisibility cloak; anything under it is rendered completely invisible.

I'm still working out the kinks; you can still see the cloak itself.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

My wife came home with a vibrator, started waving it about and screamed, "I don't need you now! I don't need you now!"

Guess who had to put the batteries in.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

The first rule of Thesaurus Club is
you don't talk about, mention, speak of, discuss or chat about Thesaurus Club.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

Christianity: One woman's lie about having an affair that got seriously out of hand.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

No YouPorn I do not want to play poker, I'm at work.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

If women would start naming their periods like hurricanes it would be a lot easier for us men to remember which argument you are referring to..

[OneBardGooner]

Christianity: One woman's lie about having an affair that got seriously out of hand.

Fucccckkk! No wonder He Got Cross.

[OneBardGooner]

My wife came home with a vibrator, started waving it about and screamed, "I don't need you now! I don't need you now!"

Guess who had to put the batteries in.

Brilliant Lefty!

[OneBardGooner]

I've just invented an Invisibility cloak; anything under it is rendered completely invisible.

I'm still working out the kinks; you can still see the cloak itself.

You is a fuckin' Nutter Mate!!

[DB10GOONER]

No YouPorn I do not want to play poker, I'm at work.

Like who hasn't had this happen to them in the middle of the office! Right, guys? Right?

Uh... guys?

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

I've just invented an Invisibility cloak; anything under it is rendered completely invisible.

I'm still working out the kinks; you can still see the cloak itself.

You is a fuckin' Nutter Mate!!

It has been said

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

No YouPorn I do not want to play poker, I'm at work.

Like who hasn't had this happen to them in the middle of the office! Right, guys? Right?

Uh... guys?

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

An elderly man and his wife are taking a stroll through the country when they spy a fence where they used to conduct their courting.
Excited by this, they make love furiously, with their arms and legs waving about everywhere.
When they are finished, the woman says, surprised, "You never had sex with me like that 50 years ago",
to which the man replies
"Well, that fence wasn't fuckin electric 50 years ago."

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

A dwarf with a lisp goes into a stud farm.
"I'd like to buy a horth" he says to the owner of the farm. "What sort of horse?" said the owner. "A female horth" the dwarf replies.

So the owner shows him a mare. "Nithe horth." says the dwarf, "Can I thee her eyeth?"
So the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses eyes. "Nithe eyeth.", says the dwarf,
"Can I thee her teeth?" Again the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses teeth. "Nithe teeth.... can I see her eerth?" the dwarf says.
By now the owner is getting a little fed up but again, picks up the dwarf to show him the horses ears. "Nithe eerth". he says, Now...can I see her twot?"
With this the owner picks the dwarf up by the scruff of his neck and shoves his head deep in just under the horses tail. He holds him there for a couple of seconds before pulling him out and putting him down.

The dwarf shakes his head and says: "Perhaps I should weefwaze that...
Can I see her wun awound?"

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere.