Tevez has asked if he could have one.
Wednesday joke thread (because we need a laugh).
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olgitgooner
- Posts: 7431
- Joined: Fri Nov 16, 2007 12:39 am
- Location: Brexitland
Wednesday joke thread (because we need a laugh).
Alex Ferguson has told his players that he is going to bring in some new faces.
Tevez has asked if he could have one.
Tevez has asked if he could have one.
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olgitgooner
- Posts: 7431
- Joined: Fri Nov 16, 2007 12:39 am
- Location: Brexitland
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GunnerDude
- Posts: 3176
- Joined: Fri Feb 06, 2009 12:57 pm
- Location: Here with Christina Hendricks
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SillySteward
- Posts: 90
- Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 9:55 pm
Apologies in advance if anyone finds this one offensive!
Elizabeth Fritzl's diary.
Monday: stayed in. Dad came down and fucked me.
Tuesday: stayed in. Got fucked by dad.
Wednesday: stayed in. Dad fucked me doggy style.
Thursday: stayed in. Dad spunked on my face.
Friday: stayed in. Dad gave my arse a right pounding.
Saturday: went to watch spurs play. Wish I'd stayed in
Elizabeth Fritzl's diary.
Monday: stayed in. Dad came down and fucked me.
Tuesday: stayed in. Got fucked by dad.
Wednesday: stayed in. Dad fucked me doggy style.
Thursday: stayed in. Dad spunked on my face.
Friday: stayed in. Dad gave my arse a right pounding.
Saturday: went to watch spurs play. Wish I'd stayed in
Ed Zachary Disease
A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any
sex in quite some time. She was afraid she might have something wrong with
her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of a sex therapist.
Her doctor recommended that she see the well known Chinese sex therapist Dr.
Chang.
So she went to see him. Upon entering the examinat ion room Dr. Chang said
'OK take off all your crose.'
The woman did as she was told.
'Now get down and craw reery, reery fass to odderside of room.'
Again the woman did as she was instructed. Dr. Chang then said 'OK, now craw
reery, reery fass back to me.' So she did.
Dr.Chang shook his head slowly and said, 'Your probrem vewy bad. You haf Ed
Zachary disease.
Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex or dates.'
Worried the woman asked anxiously, 'Oh my God Dr.Chang what is Ed Zachary
Disease?'
Dr. Chang sighed deeply and replied, 'Ed Zachary Disease is when your face
look Ed Zachary like your ass.'
A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any
sex in quite some time. She was afraid she might have something wrong with
her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of a sex therapist.
Her doctor recommended that she see the well known Chinese sex therapist Dr.
Chang.
So she went to see him. Upon entering the examinat ion room Dr. Chang said
'OK take off all your crose.'
The woman did as she was told.
'Now get down and craw reery, reery fass to odderside of room.'
Again the woman did as she was instructed. Dr. Chang then said 'OK, now craw
reery, reery fass back to me.' So she did.
Dr.Chang shook his head slowly and said, 'Your probrem vewy bad. You haf Ed
Zachary disease.
Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex or dates.'
Worried the woman asked anxiously, 'Oh my God Dr.Chang what is Ed Zachary
Disease?'
Dr. Chang sighed deeply and replied, 'Ed Zachary Disease is when your face
look Ed Zachary like your ass.'
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MickeyFabs
- Posts: 425
- Joined: Sat Aug 23, 2008 9:03 pm
- Location: Enfield
A couple with sexual problems go to see a world renowned sex therapist to improve their sex life.
When they arrive at the doctors surgery, he tells them that he has to carry out a full physical test on them and asks them to get undressed. After the physical evaluation, the doctor instructs as follows...
"On your way home, stop off at Tesco's. Buy some ringed doughnuts and a bag of grapes. When you get home, strip off naked. Husband, get your wife to sit down on the floor with her legs open, get a grape out and roll it towards her snatch. When one goes in, crawl over on your hands and knees and lick it out of there. After that, stand up and get your wife to throw the ringed doughnuts at your cock. When one of the doughnuts lands around your cock get your wife to nibble around it. Come back next week and let me know how you got on".
The next week, the couple arrive at the doctors and he asks how they got on. The couple exclaim enthusiastically that the sex games added a new dimension which spiced up their sex lives, and they were very happy.
Upon leaving the husband says that their next door neighbours also have similar problems and asked if he could give them the doctors number."Of course" replies the doctor.
The next day, the neighbours go to see the doctor. The doctor explains to them about the physical examination, and the couple gets undressed.
After seeing them the doctor says "I'm very sorry, I will be unable to help you".
"Why?", replies the husband, "You helped our friends".
"I'm truly sorry, but I really can't suggest anything that will help you sexually" says the doctor.
"There must be something you can suggest?" says the wife.
"Okay", says the doctor, "On your way home, stop off at Tesco's. I want you to buy a bag of apples, and a packet of Cheerio's.....
When they arrive at the doctors surgery, he tells them that he has to carry out a full physical test on them and asks them to get undressed. After the physical evaluation, the doctor instructs as follows...
"On your way home, stop off at Tesco's. Buy some ringed doughnuts and a bag of grapes. When you get home, strip off naked. Husband, get your wife to sit down on the floor with her legs open, get a grape out and roll it towards her snatch. When one goes in, crawl over on your hands and knees and lick it out of there. After that, stand up and get your wife to throw the ringed doughnuts at your cock. When one of the doughnuts lands around your cock get your wife to nibble around it. Come back next week and let me know how you got on".
The next week, the couple arrive at the doctors and he asks how they got on. The couple exclaim enthusiastically that the sex games added a new dimension which spiced up their sex lives, and they were very happy.
Upon leaving the husband says that their next door neighbours also have similar problems and asked if he could give them the doctors number."Of course" replies the doctor.
The next day, the neighbours go to see the doctor. The doctor explains to them about the physical examination, and the couple gets undressed.
After seeing them the doctor says "I'm very sorry, I will be unable to help you".
"Why?", replies the husband, "You helped our friends".
"I'm truly sorry, but I really can't suggest anything that will help you sexually" says the doctor.
"There must be something you can suggest?" says the wife.
"Okay", says the doctor, "On your way home, stop off at Tesco's. I want you to buy a bag of apples, and a packet of Cheerio's.....
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I Hate Hleb
- Posts: 18632
- Joined: Wed May 16, 2007 3:36 pm
- Location: London
Was told this one today. 
A woman with no arms and no legs was lying on the beach one day when a man walking past stopped and stared at her.
"I'm so sorry for you he said. Its so sad to see someone like this."
The woman was confused.
"No one's ever said anything like that to me before." she said.
"Have you ever been hugged?" the man asked.
When she told him she hadn't, he picked her up and gave her a hug.
"Have you ever been kissed?"
She hadn't. So he kissed her.
Then he asked, "Have you ever been fucked?"
At this she hesitated, but after a moment's thought she replied "No."
So he carried her off the beach into the water, and after walking out a litttle way, dropped her into the surf and said "Well you're fucked now."
Hope I got it right...might lose some of its power being written. But was funny today.
A woman with no arms and no legs was lying on the beach one day when a man walking past stopped and stared at her.
"I'm so sorry for you he said. Its so sad to see someone like this."
The woman was confused.
"No one's ever said anything like that to me before." she said.
"Have you ever been hugged?" the man asked.
When she told him she hadn't, he picked her up and gave her a hug.
"Have you ever been kissed?"
She hadn't. So he kissed her.
Then he asked, "Have you ever been fucked?"
At this she hesitated, but after a moment's thought she replied "No."
So he carried her off the beach into the water, and after walking out a litttle way, dropped her into the surf and said "Well you're fucked now."
Hope I got it right...might lose some of its power being written. But was funny today.
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Eboue-Why?
- Posts: 4216
- Joined: Fri Mar 21, 2008 6:26 pm
- Location: Sunny Surrey
