Ashley Cole ain’t magic
He’s just a cheating twat
When he saw that brasser
He said I’m trying that
He puked on her bedside
He puked on the brass
And when he’s home with his phone
You know it’s up his...
Aaaaaaaashley Cole ain’t magic
Etc.
The dragged out beginning of the second verse (Aaaaaaaaaaaashley Cole etc) gives it a bit of a more subtle flavour I think. Sometimes it's funnier when you don't actually say all the swear words. Sometimes.

Anyhoo, what think ye...?