LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

If I had a pound for every time I got suspicious...

I'd wonder who the fuck was paying me, and why?

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

If God didn't want us to have sex with goats why did he put the horns in such a handy position.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

I like going bowling; I always make my name '3 Testicles' on the board.

That way the TV occasionaly says "Congratulations 3 Testicles! You got a spare."

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

I've started writing down all the things I'm never going to do with my life.

It's my 'Fuck It' list.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

My mate caught me sniffing his sister's knickers while wanking.

Lets just say it made her funeral the next day very awkward.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

I was in the Natural History Museum in London looking at the dinosaur bones.

I asked the Curator how old the bones were.

He replied: 'They are 3 million, four years, and six months old.'

'Fuck me!' I said. 'How do you know their age so precisely?'

The Curator said 'Well, they were three million years old when I started working here, and that was four and a half years ago.'

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

A police man just stopped me in the park with my dog and said, "If you leave that dog mess there you will face a penalty."

I used to play in goal a bit for school so I thought, fuck it, and took my chances.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

My girlfriend is pregnant, so we got the big book of names out.

To try and find the dad.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

Just had a water fight over the park with a bunch of local kids.

I won!

No one's a match for me and my kettle.

[mcdowell42]

On my way over to my parents to introduce them to my new girlfriend, I had to ring to tell them we were going to be late

"Sorry Dad" I said when he answered the phone, "I've got a puncture"

"That's my boy!" he replied "Don't take no lip from her and show her who's boss from the off"

[mcdowell42]

If God didn't want us to have sex with goats why did he put the horns in such a handy position.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

If God didn't want us to have sex with goats why did he put the horns in such a handy position.

See few posts up

[mcdowell42]

If God didn't want us to have sex with goats why did he put the horns in such a handy position.

See few posts up

So we both use sickipedia

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

If God didn't want us to have sex with goats why did he put the horns in such a handy position.

See few posts up

So we both use sickipedia

Doesn't everyone

[mcdowell42]

Shush let them think we thought of them.