LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

[northbank123]

If God didn't want us to have sex with goats why did he put the horns in such a handy position.

See few posts up

Man obviously just loves fucking goats!

[DB10GOONER]

If God didn't want us to have sex with goats why did he put the horns in such a handy position.

Christ alone, McD - you culchies aren't even making this difficult anymore!

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

Wife: "How would you describe me?"
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
Wife: "What does that mean?"
Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

A kid asks his father:
- Daddy, why do dogs keep licking their crotch?
- The reason is, my son, that dogs cannot make a paw into a fist.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

Ebola causes headaches, feelings of nausea and is very difficult to get rid of.

Is it a virus or a free U2 album?

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

It's a good thing that innuendo isn't a crime.

I'd definitely be going down.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

My next door neighbour overdosed on Viagra the other night,

His missus took it very hard.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

History remembers Emily Davison, who threw herself in front of the King's horse to become a martyr for the suffragette movement.

It doesn't remember her husband, however, who didn't get his tea that night.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

My dwarf girlfriend went to work this morning upset with me, because I've been taking the piss out of her size. So I'm going all out to make it up to her tonight.

I've got a good bottle of wine in and bought her the latest dvd box set of her favourite programme. When she gets in from work I'm going to order her favourite takeaway for her tea, then go upstairs and run her a nice hot sink.

[DB10GOONER]

My dwarf girlfriend went to work this morning upset with me, because I've been taking the piss out of her size. So I'm going all out to make it up to her tonight.

I've got a good bottle of wine in and bought her the latest dvd box set of her favourite programme. When she gets in from work I'm going to order her favourite takeaway for her tea, then go upstairs and run her a nice hot sink.

That's a true story isn't it, Lefty? You little people and your wacky ways!

[DB10GOONER]

History remembers Emily Davison, who threw herself in front of the King's horse to become a martyr for the suffragette movement.

It doesn't remember her husband, however, who didn't get his tea that night.

Top notch! And True!

[DB10GOONER]

Ebola causes headaches, feelings of nausea and is very difficult to get rid of.

Is it a virus or a free U2 album?

Fucking hate U2.

[arseofacrow]

Ebola causes headaches, feelings of nausea and is very difficult to get rid of.

Is it a virus or a free U2 album?

Fucking hate U2.

A bit harsh on lefty there, mate.

[Rugby Gooner]

My mate has just returned from Africa.
He now has this irresistible urge to continually buy raffle tickets.
He thinks that he may have caught Tombola!

[DB10GOONER]

Ebola causes headaches, feelings of nausea and is very difficult to get rid of.

Is it a virus or a free U2 album?

Fucking hate U2.

A bit harsh on lefty there, mate.

Ziiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggg!!