LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

Mod grooming alert !!!!!!



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Welcome back Lefty.



WENGER OUT

Thanks TL and DB

I will be posting jokes soon enough, flag at half today though as its 20 years today that my dear dad died and myself, some brothers and sisters are going to visit his grave and then drink ourselves silly in his memory

Tbh he loved a good laugh so I may post one or two.

And yes, as well as being a Gentleman, the best Dad any child could wish for he he was a gooner too

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

BBC News

"Being obese can cut your risk of dementia"

Let's rephrase that to

"Fat fuckers are less likely to forget where the biscuits are kept"

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

Nothing embarrasses a psychic more than throwing them a surprise party.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

Pornography only gets called by its full name when it's in trouble.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

I turned into a cat earlier.

Don't ask meow.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

To feminists who claim that internet pornography is going to ruin the sex lives of our next generation:

I didn't give up playing football just because Lionel Messi was better than me.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

A co-pilot walks into a library and asks for a number of books on suicide.

The librarian asks, "Are you going to take them all out with you?"

"Hmmm..." he replies. "That's a good idea."

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

My wife said she'd like another baby...

...I agreed, the one we have is fucking annoying!

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

BBC News: Dogs Trained to Detect Prostate Cancer.

I just hope they trim their claws before they stick their paw up my arse.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

A marriage guidance councillor asked my wife and I to describe our sex life with a film title,

"Gone in sixty seconds, " said my wife sarcastically,

"Enter the dragon, " I replied.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

The World's most masculine name is 'Guy Chapman' as it's effectively 'Bloke

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

- What do we want?

- More Acronyms

- When do we want them?

- ASAP

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

My wife thinks I look like a philosopher at the beach; staring off into the distance contemplating life.

What I've actually done is spotted some tits.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

I was invited to attend a lesbian rally.

Two hours of shit driving? No thanks.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

Apparently smoking reduces your sperm count.

Well thank fuck for that or every *word censored* on our Council estate would have 20 kids instead of 10.