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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri Apr 24, 2015 8:09 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Top Londoner wrote:Mod grooming alert !!!!!!

:gus2: :gus2:

--------------------------------------

Welcome back Lefty.



WENGER OUT
:lol:

Thanks TL and DB :-P

I will be posting jokes soon enough, flag at half today though as its 20 years today that my dear dad died and myself, some brothers and sisters are going to visit his grave and then drink ourselves silly in his memory :barscarf:

Tbh he loved a good laugh so I may post one or two.

And yes, as well as being a Gentleman, the best Dad any child could wish for he he was a gooner too 8)

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri Apr 24, 2015 8:12 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
BBC News

"Being obese can cut your risk of dementia"

Let's rephrase that to

"Fat fuckers are less likely to forget where the biscuits are kept"

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri Apr 24, 2015 8:12 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Nothing embarrasses a psychic more than throwing them a surprise party.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri Apr 24, 2015 8:16 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Pornography only gets called by its full name when it's in trouble.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri Apr 24, 2015 8:16 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
I turned into a cat earlier.

Don't ask meow.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri Apr 24, 2015 8:18 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
To feminists who claim that internet pornography is going to ruin the sex lives of our next generation:

I didn't give up playing football just because Lionel Messi was better than me.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri Apr 24, 2015 8:19 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
A co-pilot walks into a library and asks for a number of books on suicide.

The librarian asks, "Are you going to take them all out with you?"

"Hmmm..." he replies. "That's a good idea."

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri Apr 24, 2015 8:20 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
My wife said she'd like another baby...

...I agreed, the one we have is fucking annoying!

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri Apr 24, 2015 8:20 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
BBC News: Dogs Trained to Detect Prostate Cancer.

I just hope they trim their claws before they stick their paw up my arse.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri Apr 24, 2015 8:22 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
A marriage guidance councillor asked my wife and I to describe our sex life with a film title,

"Gone in sixty seconds, " said my wife sarcastically,

"Enter the dragon, " I replied.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri Apr 24, 2015 8:24 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
The World's most masculine name is 'Guy Chapman' as it's effectively 'Bloke

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri Apr 24, 2015 8:25 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
- What do we want?

- More Acronyms

- When do we want them?

- ASAP

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri Apr 24, 2015 8:26 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
My wife thinks I look like a philosopher at the beach; staring off into the distance contemplating life.

What I've actually done is spotted some tits.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri Apr 24, 2015 8:26 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
I was invited to attend a lesbian rally.

Two hours of shit driving? No thanks.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri Apr 24, 2015 8:28 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Apparently smoking reduces your sperm count.

Well thank fuck for that or every *word censored* on our Council estate would have 20 kids instead of 10.