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Re: Friday joke thread
Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2012 12:28 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
After landing myself in jail I spent the first 4 hours getting relentlessly bummed. . .
I think my mates take monopoly far too seriously!!!!!
Re: Friday joke thread
Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2012 12:36 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
I was cooking in the kitchen and my 5yo walked in and asked me what "love juice" was.
"well, it is what a woman makes in her....erm....fanjo to make it all wet and slippery and ready to take the mans...erm...penis.....when they have special cuddles....but where the hell have you got that word from??!!!!!"
"I was watching Wimbledon...."
Re: Friday joke thread
Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2012 12:37 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
I had a happy childhood. My dad would put me inside a tyre and then roll me down a hill. They were Goodyears...
Re: Friday joke thread
Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2012 12:40 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
I took the mrs to the doctors as she had a golfball stuck up her arse
.....<how far?!.
well, it was up a fairway.
Re: Friday joke thread
Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2012 12:49 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
A man goes to India for a cheap cock extension. The surgeon suggests a baby elephants trunk stitched on for £3000. The man agrees. 6 weeks later while having dinner with his new girlfriend he feels an unusual stirring in his pants & thinks this is the night. While chatting over dinner his cock flys out steals an apple off the table & goes back. Wow she says can you do that again? He says my cock can but I dont think my arsehole can take another apple!
Re: Friday joke thread
Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2012 12:53 pm
by DB10GOONER
He's here all week!!
unfortunately...
Re: Friday joke thread
Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2012 1:05 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Re: Friday joke thread
Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2012 1:08 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
I was sitting on the edge of the bed last night pulling off my boxers when the wife said "Please dont do that to the dogs..."
Re: Friday joke thread
Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2012 1:09 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Paddys wife says "I want a rape alarm." Next morning he covers her mouth, holds her down, f**cks her up the arse and whispers...."It's time to get up!"
Re: Friday joke thread
Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2012 1:15 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
A little girl is in court, testifying against her uncle who has sexually abused her. The solicitor says
"In your own words, tell us what happened"
The little girl, tearfully and in a very quiet voice says
"He came into my room and got into bed with me, he touched me here and kissed me, then he kissed my neck and all the way down my chest, undoing the buttons of my nightie as he went, then he kissed me here, and, and then I can't remember what happened"
The judge, masturbating furiously said
"FUCKING MAKE SOMETHING UP THEN!"
Re: Friday joke thread
Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2012 2:38 pm
by DB10GOONER
You'd know, Charlie The Midget!
Re: Friday joke thread
Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2012 2:41 pm
by flash gunner
Fucking hell this thread has gone from Tim Vine to Frankie Boyle
Re: Friday joke thread
Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2012 2:47 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Re: Friday joke thread
Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2012 8:45 pm
by Top Londoner
DB10GOONER wrote:He's here all week!!
unfortunately...
He put a smile on my face and a guttaral laugh too. I really needed it too.
Re: Friday joke thread
Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2012 9:48 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Top Londoner wrote:DB10GOONER wrote:He's here all week!!
unfortunately...
He put a smile on my face and a guttaral laugh too. I really needed it too.
I am happy it made you laugh TL, I laugh when I post them so it is good for me too, don't worry about DB, he likes to be the centre of attention and when it's not on him he gets a LITTLE bitchy