LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

[Rosie_titters]

A little girl is in court, testifying against her uncle who has sexually abused her. The solicitor says

"In your own words, tell us what happened"

The little girl, tearfully and in a very quiet voice says

"He came into my room and got into bed with me, he touched me here and kissed me, then he kissed my neck and all the way down my chest, undoing the buttons of my nightie as he went, then he kissed me here, and, and then I can't remember what happened"

The judge, masturbating furiously said

"FUCKING MAKE SOMETHING UP THEN!"

*cough, cough* Ricky Gervais *cough, cough*

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

A little girl is in court, testifying against her uncle who has sexually abused her. The solicitor says

"In your own words, tell us what happened"

The little girl, tearfully and in a very quiet voice says

"He came into my room and got into bed with me, he touched me here and kissed me, then he kissed my neck and all the way down my chest, undoing the buttons of my nightie as he went, then he kissed me here, and, and then I can't remember what happened"

The judge, masturbating furiously said

"FUCKING MAKE SOMETHING UP THEN!"

*cough, cough* Ricky Gervais *cough, cough*

Really wow and there's me thinking my mate who sent this text actually made it up himself

If you have better jokes post them I love kljokes and just post ones that mates text me, if you haven't what's the point in posting that on a joke thread

[mcdowell42]

A little girl is in court, testifying against her uncle who has sexually abused her. The solicitor says

"In your own words, tell us what happened"

The little girl, tearfully and in a very quiet voice says

"He came into my room and got into bed with me, he touched me here and kissed me, then he kissed my neck and all the way down my chest, undoing the buttons of my nightie as he went, then he kissed me here, and, and then I can't remember what happened"

The judge, masturbating furiously said

"FUCKING MAKE SOMETHING UP THEN!"

*cough, cough* Ricky Gervais *cough, cough*

Really wow and there's me thinking my mate who sent this text actually made it up himself

If you have better jokes post them I love kljokes and just post ones that mates text me, if you haven't what's the point in posting that on a joke thread

Leftfoot there is alot of jealousy on this forum when it comes to guys posting or starting threads but the likes of you and i will rise above it

[Rosie_titters]

A little girl is in court, testifying against her uncle who has sexually abused her. The solicitor says

"In your own words, tell us what happened"

The little girl, tearfully and in a very quiet voice says

"He came into my room and got into bed with me, he touched me here and kissed me, then he kissed my neck and all the way down my chest, undoing the buttons of my nightie as he went, then he kissed me here, and, and then I can't remember what happened"

The judge, masturbating furiously said

"FUCKING MAKE SOMETHING UP THEN!"

*cough, cough* Ricky Gervais *cough, cough*

Really wow and there's me thinking my mate who sent this text actually made it up himself

If you have better jokes post them I love kljokes and just post ones that mates text me, if you haven't what's the point in posting that on a joke thread

calm down mate, I only mention i've heard Ricky Gervais tell the same joke, your doing such a great job, i don't want to step on your toes with my array of jokes, i'll take over when a few more people look in on this thread, nothing worst than playing to an empty stadium

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

A little girl is in court, testifying against her uncle who has sexually abused her. The solicitor says

"In your own words, tell us what happened"

The little girl, tearfully and in a very quiet voice says

"He came into my room and got into bed with me, he touched me here and kissed me, then he kissed my neck and all the way down my chest, undoing the buttons of my nightie as he went, then he kissed me here, and, and then I can't remember what happened"

The judge, masturbating furiously said

"FUCKING MAKE SOMETHING UP THEN!"

*cough, cough* Ricky Gervais *cough, cough*

Really wow and there's me thinking my mate who sent this text actually made it up himself

If you have better jokes post them I love kljokes and just post ones that mates text me, if you haven't what's the point in posting that on a joke thread

Leftfoot there is alot of jealousy on this forum when it comes to guys posting or starting threads but the likes of you and i will rise above it

You and me brother, against the world

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

A little girl is in court, testifying against her uncle who has sexually abused her. The solicitor says

"In your own words, tell us what happened"

The little girl, tearfully and in a very quiet voice says

"He came into my room and got into bed with me, he touched me here and kissed me, then he kissed my neck and all the way down my chest, undoing the buttons of my nightie as he went, then he kissed me here, and, and then I can't remember what happened"

The judge, masturbating furiously said

"FUCKING MAKE SOMETHING UP THEN!"

*cough, cough* Ricky Gervais *cough, cough*

Really wow and there's me thinking my mate who sent this text actually made it up himself

If you have better jokes post them I love kljokes and just post ones that mates text me, if you haven't what's the point in posting that on a joke thread

calm down mate, I only mention i've heard Ricky Gervais tell the same joke, your doing such a great job, i don't want to step on your toes with my array of jokes, i'll take over when a few more people look in on this thread, nothing worst than playing to an empty stadium

worsE....if your posting jokes use spell checker, nothing worsE than not understanding a joke

Sounds a bit like when a bird tells her boyfriend he has a small organ and he retorts "I didn't realise I was playing in a cathedral"...........'lyrics courtesy of Prince or symbol' or whatever the fuck he does or doesn't want to be called

[corkbarry]

Paddy and Mick go on a roller-coaster. Mick says "If we turn upside down do you think we'll fall out?" Paddy says "Course not, sure haven't we been best friends for years" !

[DB10GOONER]

He's here all week!!



unfortunately...

No pleasing some little people.......

You'd know, Charlie The Midget!

Do you get 5'9" midgets Kelly the hobbit

You've grown 4 inches in the last couple years?!

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

He's here all week!!



unfortunately...

No pleasing some little people.......

You'd know, Charlie The Midget!

Do you get 5'9" midgets Kelly the hobbit

You've grown 4 inches in the last couple years?!

bring a tape measure to the supporters game mate, and an orange box

[OneBardGooner]

A little girl is in court, testifying against her uncle who has sexually abused her. The solicitor says

"In your own words, tell us what happened"

The little girl, tearfully and in a very quiet voice says

"He came into my room and got into bed with me, he touched me here and kissed me, then he kissed my neck and all the way down my chest, undoing the buttons of my nightie as he went, then he kissed me here, and, and then I can't remember what happened"

The judge, masturbating furiously said

"FUCKING MAKE SOMETHING UP THEN!"

*cough, cough* Ricky Gervais *cough, cough*

Really wow and there's me thinking my mate who sent this text actually made it up himself

If you have better jokes post them I love kljokes and just post ones that mates text me, if you haven't what's the point in posting that on a joke thread

Leftfoot there is alot of jealousy on this forum when it comes to guys posting or starting threads but the likes of you and i will rise above it

Now THAT IS "Quality Gold".


You Da Man LFG

[OneBardGooner]

He's here all week!!



unfortunately...

No pleasing some little people.......

You'd know, Charlie The Midget!

Do you get 5'9" midgets Kelly the hobbit

You've grown 4 inches in the last couple years?!

And that's just his knob! so KJ says!

[OneBardGooner]

No pleasing some little people....... [/quote]

You'd know, Charlie The Midget! [/quote]

Do you get 5'9" midgets Kelly the hobbit [/quote]

You've grown 4 inches in the last couple years?!

[/quote]


bring a tape measure to the supporters game mate, and an orange box [/quote]

Why? Ohhh! I see - you mean for the half-time refreshments for the players! Oranges...yeah right I see

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

No pleasing some little people.......

You'd know, Charlie The Midget! [/quote]

Do you get 5'9" midgets Kelly the hobbit [/quote]

You've grown 4 inches in the last couple years?!

[/quote]


bring a tape measure to the supporters game mate, and an orange box [/quote]

Why? Ohhh! I see - you mean for the half-time refreshments for the players! Oranges...yeah right I see [/quote]


to stand on so he can reach to measure me and no not me nob, I think DB could just about reach that without an orange box

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

Young mickey is due in court for car theft and as it his fifth offence his lawyer advises him that unless he can get himself a job and show willing the judge is gonna give him a few months inside.

Young mickey says "no one will give me a job cos I don't have any qualifications"

The lawyer says "I can help you there mickey, my brother-in-law owns a turkey farm and he is looking for a turkey wanker to collect their sperm."

Mickey replies "FUCK THAT, I ain't wanking turkeys for anyone!!"

The lawyer replies "well it's that or time inside"

Eventually mickey decides to take the job and on arriving for his first day is all kitted out in white overalls and wellies and given some jars to collect the sperm.

He is then pointed in the direction of the turkey shed, so he approaches the shed and slides open a huge door, he looks inside and sees 5000 turkeys.

On seeing him they all run towards him going "Gobble Gobble...Gobble Gobble" he looks back at them points in their direction and shouts "A ***** AND THAT'S ALL YOUR FUCKING GETTING!!!!!"

An old one I know

[Postman]

A fella goes for a job in the Quality Assurance department at Durex.
The foreman takes him 'round the plant and shows him all the machinery and offers him the job.

"What will the role entail exactly?" asks the interviewee.

"Well", says the foreman, "you have to check 1 in a hundred", and proceeds to remove one of the rubbers from the production line, stretches it, holds it up to the lights, then places it over his penis and calls the secretary over.

She proceeds to hitch her skirt up, pull her knickers down and bends over.

The foreman gives her a good rogering, after he's finished he removes the prophylactic, stretches it, holds it up to the light again to confirm no holes.

"Easy as that", he says.

"When do I start?" Asks the fella, unable to believe his luck.

"Monday, 8:00 sharp!"

Naturally, our hero hardly sleeps a wink all Sunday night, and is outside the Durex factory waiting to get in at 6:30.

Anyway, the production line starts up and the fella faithfully counts as 100 ribbed black mambo's, (lubricated with sensodol for extra comfort).

He picks up the 101st, stretches it, holds it up to the light to check for holes then pulls it over his old man and calls the secretary over.

Over she comes, grabs hold of his manhood, and proceeds to rigorously masturbate him.

Rather startled and confused, the fella just looks at the secretary who says...

"Sorry, company policy. You've got to work a week in hand"