The Gooner Forum

QuartzGooner wrote:I would contact her, but keep in mind she either may not know where your father is, or may not care to tell you. She may suggest your only route is through your half siblings, in which case I would still ask them.
You may even get on well with them.

You must have missed my previous post above yours lol

Sammy, at the end of the day you must do what you feel is right for you - not your mother, siblings, half siblings etc. It may sound simplistic and perhaps a tad harsh, but it is true unfortunately.

If it were me i would make contact directly with him and arrange to chat or meet. It may be difficult or awkward initially but at the end of the day, he is the only person that can answer the questions you have and give you , as you call it, "closure". I doubt very much if your mother or sister will think any less of you for wanting to get some answers to these issues. You seem to be a well-adjusted, decent person and chatting to him is not going to change that.

I lost my own father suddenly 2 years ago , and while he was a very good father in many ways - i felt a lot of regrets that i had never sat down and asked him about decisions that he had taken while we were growing up. I only realise now as i am about to become a father myself about the sacrifices he made and how hard he worked for us all when i was growing up. Lots of people knew my Dad, but they still cant answer the questions i want answered - there is only one person who can do that but he's not here now for me to ask. Its a regret i will take to my grave.

You have the chance to ask those questions Sammy, and perhaps the answers you get wont be want you want to hear but at the end of the day at least you will have those answers. No-one can ever tell you that you have no right to want to know and if they get pissed off with you about wanting to know then thats their tough - they'll get over it, but u might not if you dont act while you have the chance and the need.

Sorry if i rambled a bit Sammy, and i hope it might have helped a little mate............ do what you feel is best for you mate.

Thanks Rossie

Its fantastic advice

Sorry for your loss as well

No prob Sammy - was acually a little bit therapeutic typing it for me !!!

Hope everything turns out well Sammy. It's a tough decision, but your heart will lead you to the right choice. Remember how your sister and mum feel since they are your real family that stuck with you. Good luck mate all the best

Great advice from Rossie - can't add to that really

You've said yourself you want closure, so it seems that perhaps deep down you've already decided to contact him. Even if your mother and sister don't approve, I think you've got to do what you need to do.

I think if it was me, I'd be tempted to contact him discretely, just to test the water. Possibly even meet for a chat. After that, you can decide whether to tell your family. Just a thought. I'd consider that as trying to prevent upset in the family, whereas others would say that's going behind their backs, but there you go.

What's the worst that could happen Sammy? I don't want to make a decision for you...it's upto you and I hope everything works out for you in the future.

Sammy,

I partially understand your situation because I was in a situation not too disimilar to yours. What I think is that you have the advantage of the internet which can be used to contact different people and at any given point if your unhappy with how it is going then you can turn off the computer. Where as if you are face to face it could be a little bit more difficult to shut it out. So if you could contact your father through facebook and have an initial chat to see how he reacts or if you like his response then maybe meet up face to face. Why not try something like Skype out using webcams? That could be easier.

In my opinion just like Rossie said, you definately need to get some answers if that is what you are after because otherwise you'll always have these questions hanging around in your mind. I was in a situation a little similiar to Rossie and now can't get the answers because my father is no longer around. And even though you may think other people can give you answers, you will always question those answers because they haven't come directly from the person involved (in your case your father). Where I have got answers from my mother or other family members, I always tend to think there not the 100% truth in order to keep me happy.

I think you need to do what you feel is right before what your mother or sister wants, even though it can be a quite arrogant stance because its how you can gain closure or answers. If you do it without them knowing (mother & sister) then they don't have to get involved and hurt. If you feel you could deal with the answers better then maybe make the decision not to involve them. Maybe you'll decide that its better for you to relay the answers to your sister?

I hope this has been helpful Sammy

SammyDroppedHisShorts wrote:

QuartzGooner wrote:I would contact her, but keep in mind she either may not know where your father is, or may not care to tell you. She may suggest your only route is through your half siblings, in which case I would still ask them.
You may even get on well with them.

You must have missed my previous post above yours lol

Yeah, you posted a few minutes before me whilst I was writing my post!

Thanks Jayson


I have decided to put this to bed and not go ahead with it. Spoke with my sister and she said she didnt mind me doing it but i was not to mention anything about her....so i guess i should just let it die

SammyDroppedHisShorts wrote:Thanks Jayson


I have decided to put this to bed and not go ahead with it. Spoke with my sister and she said she didnt mind me doing it but i was not to mention anything about her....so i guess i should just let it die

maybe it is best as you have other more important people to think about,

problem is ,it will always be on your mind and hopefully you will not regret your decision.

SammyDroppedHisShorts wrote:Thanks Jayson


I have decided to put this to bed and not go ahead with it. Spoke with my sister and she said she didnt mind me doing it but i was not to mention anything about her....so i guess i should just let it die

Your welcome Sammy But at least now you know it isn't impossible to talk to him and you have some form of contact in place, should curiosity get the better of you.

My problem is that whenever we play Celtic he comes into my mind being he is from Glasgow and firm Celtic fan.
Until now i had no idea of getting in touch, but now i have a medium and so many questions are running in my head. It has been torture the last couple of days, i want him to know things but feel like it will just be ignored. I dunno....me needs a stiff drink

I tell you what....being a human being isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Too many emotional problems and heartaches.

If there is such a thing as reincarnation then I want to come back as a cat.

As long as it's a tom cat.

And not neutered.

olgitgooner wrote:I tell you what....being a human being isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Too many emotional problems and heartaches.

If there is such a thing as reincarnation then I want to come back as a cat.

As long as it's a tom cat.

And not neutered.

Good luck with whatever you do, Sammy