NEW JOKE THREAD

As we're unlikely to see terraces again at football, this is the virtual equivalent where you can chat to your hearts content about all football matters and, obviously, Arsenal in particular. This forum encourages all Gooners to visit and contribute so please keep it respectful, clean and topical.
Post Reply
User avatar
corkbarry
Posts: 3478
Joined: Thu Jul 19, 2007 2:59 pm
Location: Cork

Post by corkbarry »

A man is stopped by the police at midnight and
asked where he's going
"I'm on the way to listen to a lecture about the
effects and consequences of alcohol and drug abuse on the human body.

The policeman asks, "Really? And who's going to
give such a lecture at this time of night?"



The man replies "My wife".
Top
User avatar
Chippy
Posts: 9480
Joined: Mon Oct 01, 2007 12:09 pm
Location: A town called malice.

Post by Chippy »

not strictly a joke but one of the funniest things I've seen on the interweb thingy for a long time.

New I phones have a "sophisticated" predictive text which leads to some hilarious messages. My favourite one so far

Image
Top
User avatar
franksav63
Posts: 14520
Joined: Sat Dec 13, 2008 2:07 pm
Location: Home - Whitechapel - Arsenal Block 6 - Twitter - @franksav63
Contact:
Contact franksav63

Post by franksav63 »

A pacific cruise ship sinks with only 3 survivors.
David, Derek and Daisy.

They swim to a small island and live there for a couple of years doing what comes naturally. But Daisy feels so bad about having sex with both David and Derek, she kills herself.


Sad for David and Derek, but they get over it and again nature takes it’s
course.


After a couple more years the lads feel really bad about what they are
doing…………..





…… so they bury her!!!!
Top
User avatar
nino_rojo
Posts: 489
Joined: Tue Apr 27, 2010 7:55 pm
Location: Bath/Bristol

Post by nino_rojo »

What do Spurs and IBS sufferers have in common?

A Twitchy red asshole.
Top
User avatar
REB
Posts: 23439
Joined: Thu Jun 28, 2007 1:40 pm
Location: meh

Post by REB »

franksav63 wrote:A pacific cruise ship sinks with only 3 survivors.
David, Derek and Daisy.

They swim to a small island and live there for a couple of years doing what comes naturally. But Daisy feels so bad about having sex with both David and Derek, she kills herself.


Sad for David and Derek, but they get over it and again nature takes it’s
course.


After a couple more years the lads feel really bad about what they are
doing…………..





…… so they bury her!!!!


:tumbleweed:
Top
User avatar
franksav63
Posts: 14520
Joined: Sat Dec 13, 2008 2:07 pm
Location: Home - Whitechapel - Arsenal Block 6 - Twitter - @franksav63
Contact:
Contact franksav63

Post by franksav63 »

REBEL GOONER wrote:
franksav63 wrote:A pacific cruise ship sinks with only 3 survivors.
David, Derek and Daisy.

They swim to a small island and live there for a couple of years doing what comes naturally. But Daisy feels so bad about having sex with both David and Derek, she kills herself.


Sad for David and Derek, but they get over it and again nature takes it’s
course.


After a couple more years the lads feel really bad about what they are
doing…………..





…… so they bury her!!!!


:tumbleweed:
Sorry... :oops: :oops: :cry:
Top
User avatar
Chippy
Posts: 9480
Joined: Mon Oct 01, 2007 12:09 pm
Location: A town called malice.

Post by Chippy »

A few more.

Image

Image

Image
Top
User avatar
REB
Posts: 23439
Joined: Thu Jun 28, 2007 1:40 pm
Location: meh

Post by REB »

i had a look at that site chippy, some funny stuff :lol:
Top
User avatar
Chippy
Posts: 9480
Joined: Mon Oct 01, 2007 12:09 pm
Location: A town called malice.

Post by Chippy »

At one stage yesterday I was literally crying with laughter. :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops:
Top
User avatar
nino_rojo
Posts: 489
Joined: Tue Apr 27, 2010 7:55 pm
Location: Bath/Bristol

Post by nino_rojo »

Chippy wrote:At one stage yesterday I was literally crying with laughter. :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops:
Lol, I just forwarded that image around the office. Brilliant.
Top
User avatar
Chippy
Posts: 9480
Joined: Mon Oct 01, 2007 12:09 pm
Location: A town called malice.

Post by Chippy »

nino_rojo wrote:
Chippy wrote:At one stage yesterday I was literally crying with laughter. :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops:
Lol, I just forwarded that image around the office. Brilliant.
You've got an image of me crying with laughter? :speechless: :redcard: :x :shock: :wink:
Top
User avatar
HashKads
Posts: 5267
Joined: Thu Jul 23, 2009 2:44 pm
Location: Maiden name: KingJayson

Post by HashKads »

That *word censored* app, Whatsapp keeps doing that to me. :banghead:
Top
User avatar
Chippy
Posts: 9480
Joined: Mon Oct 01, 2007 12:09 pm
Location: A town called malice.

Post by Chippy »

And if you didn't know what to get Mutley for Xmas!

http://bit.ly/fAYmma

:shock: :lol:
Top
User avatar
delgooner
Posts: 359
Joined: Thu May 03, 2007 1:59 pm
Location: NW3

Post by delgooner »

The bell goes at the gates of heaven and Peter goes down to answer, standing at the gates are 20 scousers, Peter asks them what they want and they say they want to come in. So Peter goes back up to the office and says to God I've got 20 scousers down at the gates and they all want to come in. God says we cant have all them in here so pick out 10 of the most righteous and spiritual looking ones and let them in.

Ok, Guv says Peter and strolls out the office and walks down to the gates. 20 seconds later Peter comes screaming back into the office shouting they're gone! they're gone! God says what the scousers? Peter says no no, the gates!
Top
User avatar
TeeCee
Posts: 9988
Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2007 12:26 pm
Location: On the Cusp in SW France

Post by TeeCee »

What have Dodi Fayed and Kate Middleton got in common?



They've both had their finger in Diana's ring :D
Top
Post Reply

Return to “On the Terraces”